Introduction
Listening is a process that consists of five elements: hearing, attending, understanding, responding and remembering. Good listeners are active and can be seen actively involved in the process of listening (Meldrum, 1994). It is said generally, to be a good listener one must use one’s DISC drive, an acronym standing for desire, interest, self-discipline, and concentration (Bonet, 2001). I face two kinds of listening problems. I tend to fall victim to selective listening. I perk up only when something of particular interest to me is mentioned in a conversation or lecture. Another problem I face is the problem of prejudging and stereotyping another person whenever my emotional hot buttons are triggered.
Selective listening
Due to my problem of selective listening, I often feel left out in a crowd. I cannot participate in a conversation that is not about sports, music, or things I am interested in. I find it difficult to follow informative technical lectures. Moreover, the problem with this type of listening is that one tends to focus only on personal interests and never gets to expand the scope of knowledge. I allow myself to make assumptions about matters I am not listening to. Selective listening can become very damaging when it involves judging a person (Meldrum, 1994). I sometimes listen to a person’s views on an issue and see him as a very aggressive person. If I had listened to him fully, maybe I would have understood him better.
Getting emotional
The second problem I have in the context of listening is about getting emotional. I sometimes get emotional when people make derogatory remarks about my favorite team or party or friend. To listen effectively, listeners need to manage their feelings. Any anger, frustration, or hostility can hinder the ability to listen properly (Bonet, 2001). When emotional levels go up, objectivity comes down. Problems are never resolved satisfactorily at an emotional level. Emotions create barriers to effective listening. When my emotional hot-buttons are activated, I tend to tune out, distort and prejudge these emotionally charged messages.
Conclusion
Regarding the problem of selective listening, I must first desire to make interpersonal relationships through communication. This means I should take an active interest in what the other person says. If I cannot understand I must try to ask him questions and clarify my doubts rather than wondering and guessing and not listening. By following this method, I can create interest in the conversation and also add to my knowledge base. People want to be understood, so it is a great compliment to them to be asked for clarification. But when selective listening happens in a lecture hall, I can follow the technique of taking notes, summarizing what has been said, and anticipating what is to be said.
Regarding the problem of emotional distortion, if I cannot eliminate my emotional hot buttons the best alternative is to develop acceptable responses or have some preventive measures. I can step back from conversations leading to certain topics that I know can trigger emotions in me or I may physically excuse myself for a short time to control mine before resuming discussion (Simmering, 2006). I must be aware of the physical signals that show that I am being taken over by my emotions (Bonet, 2001). Then, the best strategy would be to wait for a second before reacting to anything the other person says. By following such listening strategies, I can improve my listening skills better and be a more effective communicator.
References
Bonet, Diana (2001). The Business of Listening: A Practical Guide to Effective Listening. Thomson Crisp Learning.
Meldrum, Helen (1994). Interpersonal Communication in Pharmaceutical Care. Haworth Press.
Simmering, J. Marcia (2006). Listening. Encyclopedia of Management. Int-Loc. Web.