Gradual Steps for Improving Listening Skills Research Paper

Abstract

The world of people presupposes communication. It is emphasized due to several reasons. One of them is technological and scientific progress along with the innovative devices and approaches, which can help in making communication easier. On the other hand, the perpetual increase of population in the world gives all points to provide a thought of further communication development. Productive communication leads nowadays to solutions in social, business, economic, and other affairs. It is presupposed with the extent of post-industrial society with information as the main product. In this respect it is necessary to admit that good listening skills are so important for people today. There are too many conflicts appearing every now and then due to a lack of listening. People for some reasons are trying to use some difficult measures for making current problems, local or global, broken down forgetting about the errors in the very beginning. I mean active listening in this respect. One wise man once said: God gave a man two ears and one mouth, in order to point out that a man should twice as more listen than talk. An overarching goal of living in the society which is preserved by most of human beings does not have glimpses on the effective skills of interpersonal communication. In this case people lose their energy, passion, and desire to do something for this world. In return this provides total decline of morality, activity, and productivity of human beings.

Enlarging the Conversation

According to John Stewart (1995) people are more intended to build walls in communication than bridges. This prospect is taken for granted by many people due to the mere cruelty in the social relations between individuals. One well-known Latin proverb is deeply grounded in the consciousness of many human beings, which fairly states ‘homo homini lupus est’, or, simply put, ‘dog eat dog’. Many people are trying to miss this truth thinking that the good beginning in others will make them perfect listeners and will turn them to the rational solutions under conflict circumstances. People are in despair when confronting with unfair attitudes of others and feeling inequality in judgments of others who form the majority in the society. Nonetheless, it is not a strict reason to esteem that goodness lost its power in the world. In fact, by having a mission and destination in this world a man can omit obstacles of life.

Due to having clear goals one is intended to point out his/her pathway. In this respect the need for distinctive and correctly evaluated talents and advantages on the whole should be pointed out by an individual. As far as I am concerned, one of the first habits or advantages for everyone should be a capacity to communicate. Furthermore, when interpersonal communication is related also to the sphere of spirituality and direct approach to God, then conversation gains a bit different coloring on the whole. Being a believer and having a wide scope of outlook which is provided by the Holy Bible on different situations in life and different phenomena of it, a person can generate the Universal wisdom about how to make his/her life well-structured pointing on harmony. Moreover, it is considered in the Scriptures that the more a man nurtures himself/herself with the word of God, the more God may talk in a man’s soul. This is why managing communication skills and approaches and looking for the best solutions when making conversation with people one should point out the need, first to build “bridges” and appropriate desire for it, second, people should have a mere desire to listen and skills of how to listen effectively. If there is none of them, surely, the Bible is the best helper in this issue. Furthermore, it is the best instruction for life and listening, in particular.

The definition of this meaning provides me with a rather illuminated approach of how the conversation should be supported. In this respect it is fair to note that an effective conversation should include at least two elements: talking and listening. Another two are writing and reading. Turning to the first two aspects one should highlight an excluding role of listening. Why? It is so, because if one wants to be heard another one should be able to listen. In the Bible such approach is seen throughout the book. People of God always tried to please Him and to maintain and further provide fruitful conversation by starting it with the words “Hear us God” and then God spoke to people by means of His prophets with the words “Hear therefore, O Israel!” (Carroll & Prickett,1998, p. 234).

Conversation should not be one-sided. People tend to think that only words can make difference in communication. They create different patterned words and word forms, so that to make a conversation interesting and original. As for me, in this prospect it is vital to enlarge conversation with inner intentions, first of all. Your motivation leads you to possible outcomes afterwards. Ronald C. Arnett (2005) while commenting the book by John Stewart provides a reader with the correct understanding of a metaphor “bridges” as an “ethical common center other than the self” (208). In accordance with that statement I should state that the conversation may be enlarged also with the help of extra-linguistic features, such as intonation, mimic, gestures etc. Moreover, a man may have a great possibility to enlarge conversation with a positive look on it from the very beginning. An optimistic approach is a great stimulator for provision of substantial communication between individuals. One who possesses such quality in life wins in omitting of the obstacles happening every now and then.

“Bridging of relationships” leads to the positive result (Stewart, 2009). When some chains are broken, there is no opportunity to speak about a constructive conversation and points on understanding or proper evaluation of a definite situation within individuals. Enlarging the horizons of communication intends people to believe that there are no borders in making peaceful realization of their initiatives. Peace is really important not to promote aggression and destruction, as a result. Conversation should definitely be with peaceful intentions. Thus, enlarging the conversation, as I see, means to provide proper efforts in making the communication with people colored positively by means of verbal and non-verbal approaches for the purpose of further good relationships.

Personal Background and Behavioral Blend

My life is quite interesting due to my constant urge to communicate and to know more. This is because I got accustomed with living in the society where conversation is an instrument for making social relations between individuals stable and reliable. Friends of mine tend to keep conversation and stay in touch with me every now and then. I can simply evaluate such situation due to my personal responsibility few years ago to attract people with positive attitudes toward people. I realized that, as Jesus taught, there should be an adequate motivation at the very beginning. Jesus once said: “do unto others as you would have them do unto you” (Carroll & Prickett, 1998, p.124). I approved this truth as a part of my experience of communicating with people. Thus, since that time I began behaving according to what Jesus Christ said. I think it is a logical and laconic statement. However, people do not mind this elementary rule. In this respect I can state that many times I had negative attitudes to people. Terry Jones lived in a neighboring house and I tried to be his friend in the childhood. This boy rejected my suggestion and even offended me, and it was too outrageous for me. Once seeing him with other boys near me I did not hesitate and pushed him on a metal disc with several horns lying within easy reach. The result of this situation led to immediate hospitalization of him. In his childish period of time he was bareboned and weak a bit. Though, he was seriously injured with several breakups and scars on his face due to my wrong action.

After this happened I was constantly feeling guilty about that case. I remembered at that time words of my father not to do harms toward people. Unfortunately, this example from my life tends me to adhere to the memories about that terrible case. The thing is that I was not able to listen. I have only the emotional drive inside, which in most cases, unless speaking that in all, hurts a man and people being affected due to it. This story is a signal for me for the rest of my life. It provides me with the rightly colored intentions when I begin speaking with people or when I am trying to help somebody. Good deeds leave deep traces. In fact, good deeds go before a man. I realized it, first, while reading the Bible and while seeing how Jesus was appreciated within His people. He supported communication with people also by means of following deeds, such as healing, for example. Another case when I realized it was when once I helped an unfamiliar girl with money support. Her dad and brother died in accident and she was left alone and had no idea what to do then. I did not hesitate and gave her enough money from my personal savings. Few months passed since that time when I was informed to be invited on the benefit evening promoted by that girl. After deaths of her close relatives she appeared to have a huge inheritance from one forgotten distant relative. Now she is very rich. On that evening she thanked me before the audience for that case and presented me with a “weighty” gift. Actually, gift was not the main point about this story outcome, but a positive attitude and responsibility which was provided. Thus, operating with various examples from my life I constantly study how to keep conversation live and positively shaped, in order to promote positive attitude toward people. Here I try to behave on grounds of mistakes examples made by different people previously.

Potential Barriers

In the book Bridges not Walls John Stewart comments the ideas of the Jewish philosopher Martin Buber about the person-to-person communication. Thereupon Arlin C. Migliazzo (2002) writes:

Buber addresses the desire to have “interhuman” relations where two people meet each other and connect in deep ways, as opposed to a mere “social relationship” that does not require any depth of person-to-person contact. Buber argues for being present, genuine, and authentic with another people, thereby fostering the interhuman (300).

Experienced people do not want to intervolve others into their relations and different affairs, so that to protect themselves. Such warnings are not uprising when looking at the current situation in most of the American cities. Crimes, violence and other negative features of the society are assumed primordially with a lack of positive conversation in lives of people committing crimes or bad deeds. Taking these facts into account many people fairly do not trust people from their surroundings. This obstacle exceeds with every case when suchlike concerns happen in peoples’ lives. What is more, people are more intended to hide their intentions and motives of bad behavior due to wrong actions of those who allegedly want to help. The reason is that those “helpers” always talk and talk without making a simple step toward listening.

My interpersonal skills were developed on multiple examples when close or unfamiliar to me people rejected to keep conversation with me due to the extent of distrust. In such cases I tried to calm down them and provide convincing arguments, so that to prove my position. It concerns actually all fields of life activities. Dealing with mistrust I tried to talk plain and in a mid tone for the purpose of making other people listening to me very carefully. Tanya Glaser (1997) provides a clear picture of how to behave, in order to understand the position of a person involved in conversation. This author outlines the works by J. Stewart and M. Thomas o that to point out the main ideological principles being helpful for the efficiency of the conversation. Thus the author provides some touches on “active or emphatic” listening as the method of placing one’s self in another’s place (Glacer, 1997). In fact, it is much easier to imagine the feelings and current states of a person while putting these states of soul through yourself. It appeared to be helpful in my life when various people just wanted me to listen to their cheerful or sad stories.

For years I tried to work out and implement this ability while keeping conversation live. I tried to listen to people even if it was not interesting for me entirely. In this case I found out the real difficulty of interpersonal relationships. They concerned the fact that people want to make their opinions heard and they are constantly looking for “unoccupied ears”. I think the ability to listen to others should not include the points on overindulgence as of paying excessive attention on somebody’s problems. Moreover, it is quite significant to explain such position to people delicately. There should not be any piece of misunderstanding. Madelyn Burley-Allen (1995) provides an outlook on listening barriers which come from several sources, namely: biased listening, emotional defenses, external distractions etc.

With regards to the United States of America the problem of listening is a global problem for the society. The US is outlined as the multicultural country. Thereupon, different layers of the society do not want to keep conversation or participate with other members of the society categorically. I am leading to the multiple factors which erect the attention of Americans during past years and now. The obstacles when providing conversation may touch upon the proper language, habits, ethnical and cultural peculiarities etc. These elements of the societal life are widely anticipated in the US, but during the whole period of struggle against racial, gender and other types of discrimination the constructive solutions are not invented yet. With approach to this idea I think ;that an ideal listener is that who is able to take into account all peculiar factors about a related person during a conversation, so that not to injure his/her feeling of self esteem and self confidence. In practice I use such respectful attitude to people who differ in their manners, language, religion and cultural background. One more substantial barrier is the noise pollution and its negative effect on the process of conversation.

Solution to Noise Pollution

According to John Stewart (1995) the conversation should be implemented not only in proper context and wording, but also in an appropriate environment. It means that noise is one of the main factors which are concerned with passing off the ideas of a conversation. In this respect noise pollution will make a “wall” between, for example, an interviewer and an interviewee. Such walls may provide a delay in delivering information and in making good attempts for listening. In this case internal and external noise pollution should be primordially prevented. The efficiency of the conversation to a large extent depends on the appropriate conditions of making conversation. Communication becomes easier when there are all conveniences for this reason. The idea of noise pollution should be cardinally resolved in the workplace and heavy industries, in particular. When people are not able physically to listen to each other then there is no chance to speak about positive feedbacks. It also considers streets, especially, the main ones where the rates of noise are too high due to working engines of cars.

The solutions for this problem presuppose the initial choice of communicators to estimate the place for providing conversation. Among them may be: restaurants, cafes, home, and nature somewhere in the countryside. Silence is the best helper for attempting to be heard and to make others listen to you. Sounds of city are destructive not only for conversation but also for health. If there is a noise at the place where the conversation takes place Burley-Allen (1995) provides the following piece of advice: “Hear noises without being destructed by them” (17). It is hard, of course, and it needs enough time to get accustomed with noise, in order not to notice it. “Concentrate on concentrating, you make it possible to be aware of noises without being distracted by them,” – highlights the author (Burley-Allen, 1995, p. 122). A high level of concentration can be achieved due to the extent of care for the theme of conversation.

The journal article by Siobhan Leftwich (2005) provides different levels of listening which can be taken into account by listeners to evaluate their level of this skill. Thus, the author stating the ideas of Madelyn Burley-Allen points out three types of listening, so that to point out the straightforward effect of what was said on both speaker and listener. Hyslop and Tone (2009) are highly intended to admit the significance of listening to predict probable obstacles or weighty issues which may appear before, during, and after the conversation and define listening in this prospect as “an active process requiring the same skills of prediction, hypothesizing, checking, revising, and generalizing that writing and reading demand” (para 16). Though, internal as well as external noise should be considered by a listener, so that to make efforts in listening to a speaker. It is vital due to some facts which state the benefits of effective listening, namely:

• Within what a man knows 85% he/she learned by listening;
• In 50% of cases people usually recall immediately after listening to someone’s talk;
• 20% of what people hear they automatically remember;
• People listen at 125-250 words per minute, but think at 1000-3000 words per minute (International Listening Association, 2003).

These authoritative statistical data should make people think over the direct need to reduce levels of noise and increase ability to listen to others.

Plan of Action

My interpersonal communication skills still need improvements due to constant communication and its varied forms. In this case there should be a proper schedule for making conversation successful and fruitful from the very beginning until end. In accordance with good listening William F. Kumuyi (2008) provides most balanced approach of the features to be determined. The author gives the information on how good listeners should behave, namely:

They don’t interrupt the speaker. In fact, they talk less and weigh their words. They keep an open mind while the communication lasts, avoiding pre-judging. They keep the man and the message separate where credibility problem might hinder comprehension and persuasion. They prompt the speaker to bare it all by asking open-ended questions, summarising or paraphrasing what they think the speaker has said to clarify ambiguities and achieve full understanding (Kumuyi, 2008, p. 49).

As was mentioned earlier, a good listener does not build “walls”, but with the bottom of his/her heart urges to build “firm bridges”. In this respect one should underline the significance of drawing up a possible sequence of actions to provide communication. As for me, first, there should be an inner call to promote and develop listening skills, then to elaborate the ability to listen. For this purpose Burley-Allen (1995) gives an advice to listen for different sounds several times a day making them lower on each occasion. In fact, it may seriously influence the hearing organ of perception. So, it serves to be one of the prominent reasons to become a good listener. This physiological approach also gives a direct capacity or ability to become a great listener even if one is not indulged in this activity or is not willing to listen to somebody’s story.

As far as I am concerned, the interpersonal communication skills should be stable, constant, and predetermined. I want to point out that the negative experience should not be an entire obstacle for further conversation. This principle of diplomatic relationships shows, for instance, how politics are capable to participate in different activities even if they had previously struggles which cost them a lot of money or powers. Moreover, in order to invite more members in conversation there should be constant points on encouragement of a speaker. This means that a listener should be capable to use such phrases as: “Great! Good for you!” A listener should not forget about the background of such words, so that not to make them empty or with a shade of indifference. Furthermore, for me it is better to look at the personal traits of character and capacities which I have at the moment. One more touch should be considered with the extent of my interests in comparison with others, in order to evaluate the points which may be touched upon while communicating (Blank, 2001). People are different in tastes and each one wants to represent his/her individuality. This is why I would like to relate to the experienced people in this issue.

Goldsmith, Greenberg, and Hu-Chan (2003) suggest following the table of instructions which are concerned straightforwardly with the psychological features of how people react on words and actions with a positive coloring:

• Avoid being sidetracked by your reactions to the speaker’s status, sex, method of delivery, or cultural differences.
• Reduce distraction by having phone calls held and other interruptions.
• Mind smiling, nodding, and saying “Yes, I see, please go on.”
• Allow pauses to make the speaker feel sure that there is enough time to communicate.
• Be sensitive to the feelings of the other person.
• Often summarize, ask questions, and paraphrase to show understanding of the issue.
• Do not react until being sure that you understand the other person.
• Instead of judging what the person says as wrong, just point out what was said (208).

An Overarching Goal

The Holy Bible teaches people with words “know thyself” (Carroll & Prickett, 1998, p. 930). With these words it is vital for me to perpetually examine my capacities and intentions for making good deeds. I see my life, as a representation of divine design of God’s mind. In other words I try to follow the Testaments written in the Scriptures, so that to be aware whether I move in a right direction. Life is too short, and people miss many significant information and ideas when they listen to a speaker improperly. I look at it as a manifestation of ignorance toward life prescriptions and toward a definite destination of a man. My personal position points out the need for better approaches to theoretically develop and then implement the listening skills in practice.

As for me, the most significant, prominent, outstanding and ideal figure in the history of mankind stays and will stay the person of Jesus Christ. His teaching is substantial in all times notwithstanding the high technological and scientific progress. People will be people. Their nature will never be changed seriously, because the rules of the society are constant. Either are the rules of the Universe and God’s approach to His creature, a man. Jesus in this relation provides all positive features of character which should have a man for making his/her life beautiful, well-grounded, happy, and rightly designed. In His speeches Jesus appealed to people with words “Listen to the word of God!” With such words He separated two word meanings as of ‘to listen’ and ‘to hear’ as well as He highlighted the difference between ‘knowledge’ and ‘cognition’ (Carroll & Prickett, 1998). In other words, Jesus Christ according to listening wanted to make theoretical knowledge to be proved in practice.

I try to imitate Jesus in this relation. I see my earthly way in making conversation one of my priorities for the whole life. This motivation I am willing to communicate to my would-be children. It is needful for making world without conflicts which are in majority of occasions caused by poor listening skills with more points on personal ambitions. In this respect Jesus was a peacemaker and tried to work out problems with words and then with actions supported by words. Though, I want to be an imitator of Jesus to make my environment safer and more concerned. This is the main goal of my overarching design.

Then I want to follow the instructions generated by the Bible investigating how words of God relate to contemporary situations. Listening is not odd in this case, because it is the main tool for provision of appropriate recognition of how things are scheduled in this world. Thus, I would try to keep my tempers without impulsiveness and cruel intentions which may be concerned with impolite or impatient attitude of mine toward a speaker. It is definitely that factor which may ruin my interpersonal communication skills. The Bible interprets this aspect of life by words that a man who governs his spirit and soul matters is better than a conqueror of a city (Carroll & Prickett, 1998).

Furthermore, the process of my own control over the behavioral blend presupposes the need to forgive and be able to support friendly relationships notwithstanding the previous conflicts or scandals. Listening provides thinking. As it was mentioned above, people think faster than they listen, so it grounds the necessity to think and evaluate while listening. When a man forgives a person he/she puts off the burden of being once offended and keeping negative attitudes toward those who were responsible for this. The idea of forgiveness is needful for me, because I have a mere understanding of it in practice.

One more touch presupposes the development of my leadership skills and taking responsibility for people. It is greatly displayed in a manner with which so-called leaders listen to the audience. Michael H. Hoppe (2007) outlines a prospect on active listening for today’s leaders:

Active listening is not an optional component of leadership; it is not a nicety to be used to make others feel good. It is, in fact, a critical component of the tasks facing today’s leaders (29).

Jesus in this case behaved as a very experienced and concerned leader. He was able to listen to people who wanted healing, for example. When he went through one settlement one in grain man cried, so that Jesus was able to hear him. When Jesus stopped and noticed him a man asked for healing and was healed. This is a grave example of how leaders should approach to active listening and acting as well. All points stated above are of great significance for me and their determination proves my personal conversational mission before an eternal perspective.

Conclusion

To sum up, the gradual steps for making listening skills improved are maintained in the paper, so that to show the significance of this process for the life objectives which are grave for people. In this relation the point on active listening presupposes more behavioral features which should be behaved during a man’s life. Burley-Allen (1995) directly improves the thesis of the extra-ordinary significance for listening by the following statement: “Your act of listening is the only help required. Active listening alleviates a problem by giving the person a chance to talk it through while experiencing emotional release” (6)… The example of Jesus Christ is one of the most appropriate to show the ideal blend of character traits, in order to be capable to listen and provide further actions. In fact, successful people are so because once they made efforts in listening and gaining proper information to provide personal skills and success, as a result. The pathway of such people is thorny in most cases, but their ability to listen and to capture the needful information helped them to be authoritative and supreme among other people. This is why the necessity to get accustomed to so obvious and elementary things as listening should be reckoned with. It is so because with a flow of time people rejected the universal truth of active and thorough listening. In support of above mentioned words one should be conscientious about the statement: The more people listen, the more they are closer to rational approach about resolving of problems.

Reference

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Blank, W. (2001). The 108 skills of natural born leaders. New York: AMACOM Div American Mgmt Assn.

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Carroll, R., and Prickett, S. (1998). The Bible: Authorized King James Version. Oxford: Oxford University Press.

Glaser, T. (1997). John Stewart and Milt Thomas, “Dialogic Listening: Sculpting Mutual Meanings,” in Bridges Not Walls, ed. John Stewart, 6th edition, (New York: McGraw- Hill, 1995), pp. 184-201. Web.

Goldsmith, M., Greenberg, C. L., and Hu-Chan, M. (2003). Global leadership: the next generation. New York: FT Press.

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International Listening Association. (2003). Learn Higher. Complex of slides. Web.

Kumuyi, W. F. (2008). Sir, Listen Up! Leaders Can Be Better Communicators Turning the Art of Verbal Exchange into an Awesome Weapon of Influence If They Can Do One More Thing: Listen Well. A Lot of Leaders Are Bad Listeners; Because They Listen with Bias, Impatience, Inattention and a Closed Mind. New African 48-51.

Leftwich, S. (2005). Now Hear This: Want to Become a Better Communicator? Shut Up and Develop Your Listening Skills. Black Enterprise, 35, 112-115.

Migliazzo, A. C. (2002). Teaching as an act of faith: theory and practice in church-related higher education. Washington: Fordham University Press.

Stewart, J. R. (1995). Bridges not walls: a book about interpersonal communication.Ed. 6. New York: McGraw-Hill.