Development of confidence among persons and groups is vital, and it is facilitated by the ability to speak explicitly, honestly, and without panic of being reprimanded by others that one would be addressing (Edwards et al. 28). Trust is crucial in achieving the set goals and objectives because it enhances cooperation. It implies being courageous when giving one’s views, being able to attach meaning to non-verbal communication, and correct use of I statements (Edwards et al. 88).
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In addition, self-disclosure is critical in improving one’s interpersonal control and influence, and enhancing the ability to interact among family members and workmates (Edwards et al. 309). However, developing and improving interpersonal abilities have been a challenge. Therefore, it is important to understand the elements of trust and what characterizes a good confrontation. This paper focuses on discussing three different types of confrontations, emphasizing the elements of self- disclosure, perception checks, and I statement.
Divergent confrontation refers to a situation in which two people or groups of persons are involved in a conversation as a result of differing views. Divergent confrontation arises due to conflicting issues where one party feels dissatisfied with the views of the other party. The following excerpts show discussions that were held between the writer and four individuals.
Confrontation between the writer and a close friend
Writer: (With a contorted face). I am annoyed about you. Why did you tell my colleagues that you would leave me because I have refused to help you? I have always assisted you whenever you requested. What type of assistance do you require? Did they assist you because you told them? I advise you to think and reflect on the effect of your words before you talk.
Close friend: (Apologetically). I did not tell anyone that you do not assist me. (Insisting). You have always assisted me when I requested for your help. Is the source of your information credible? Why are you telling me I said instead of asking me whether I said? (Disgusted). Learn to inquire before you make a conclusion.
Writer: (With a nodding face). I see. Check your words. You have betrayed my trust.
Confrontation between the writer and a work associate
Writer: (While sobbing). I am unhappy with your stories. You are a liar. You told my mum that you saw me taking some money from the secretary’s drawer. I did not steal any money. How many people saw what you said? Were you the only person who was around the gate?
Work associate: (Insisting). I am not a liar. Do not dare call me a liar. That is not my name, and if you do not know my name ask me. Mind your words. (Shaking body). I told her that I saw you standing near the secretary’s drawer, and later the secretary reported that some money was missing.
Confrontation between the writer and a group member
Writer: (Staring at the group member). I feel unhappy being a member of this group. Most of you are spreading rumours that I do not attend group discussions, and when I attend I do not contribute to discussions. I think it is the right time for members to start minding their own businesses.
Group member: (Shaking head). It is true. Rarely do you attend group discussions. You are not special, and you should rectify that notion. I am planning to let the professor know your behaviors. You cannot be attaining marks without participating.
Confrontation between the writer and a church member
Writer: (Looking astonished). I am worried about most of the choir members. They do not come for fellowship as we had agreed. They should understand that God is the giver of everything, and stop going to work when they are expected to be in fellowships.
Church member: (Nodding). I think it should be upon them. They are the ones who should choose whether to attend fellowships or go to work. Do not judge them. Attending fellowships does not guarantee an eternal life.
This involves parties that are prepared and ready to participate in a confrontation. In this type of confrontation, one party asks the other person about his or her willingness to behave in a certain way.
Writer: I need to know right now if you are ready to accompany me to town.
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Close friend: Yes.
Writer: I would like to know if you would ask for permission on my behalf when the boss comes.
Work associate: No.
Writer: I wish to know whether you are ready for the group discussion this afternoon.
Group member: Yes.
Writer: I need to know whether you would attend church service today.
Church member: Yes.
Behavior request confrontation
This is a conversation whereby one party appeals for a certain behavior from the other party. The party specifies the kind of behavior that is expected to be demonstrated by the other individual. The party appealing should suggest the kind of behavioral outcome that should be demonstrated by the other party.
Confrontation between the writer and a close friend
Writer: I expect you to appreciate when you are assisted. This would motivate a person to continue helping you.
Confrontation between the writer and work associate
Writer: I would advise you to dress well when you would be going to the manager’s office next time. It is not right to go to the manager’s office with tight clothes. This would result in disrespect between you and the leader.
Confrontation between the writer and group member
Writer: I suggest you stop making noise during group discussions. Members do not concentrate when there is a lot of noise. Low levels of noise would result in understanding of what would be discussed.
Confrontation between the writer and church member
Writer: There is a need for you to join a prayer group. Prayer groups are significant in helping their members to devote their lives to God. Once you belong to one, you will be encouraged by other members, and you will become a committed Christian.
In conclusion, perception checking, self-disclosure, and I statements are important in conversations. Perception checking helps one to understand the emotions of the other party. Self-disclosure is vital in helping the other person in a confrontation to understand how one feels about a certain behavior, and change it after knowing the effects and what changes it would bring. I statements are important in emphasizing one’s feelings. They demonstrate the significance of an issue that is being handled.
The close friend was attentive, understanding, and ready to apologize. The friend was calm while responding to my confrontation. I statements uses ‘I am’, ‘I have’, and ‘I advise’. I statements made the friend understand that the writer was caring despite the fact that he or she said that the writer was not helping. For example, “I have always assisted you whenever you requested” from the writer correlates with “I did not tell anyone that you do not assist me” from the friend. This implies that whoever told the writer that the friend had said that he or she is not assisted was lying.
The work associate was uncooperative and firm in his or her statements. I statement is ‘I am’. It made the work associate realize that what he or she had done was wrong. It also brought contrast of what the writer knew. For example, “I did not steal any money” from the writer correlates with “I told her that I saw you standing near the secretary’s drawer and later the secretary reported that some money was missing” from the work associate. This is a fallacy because the work associate had said that the writer was seen near the secretary’s drawer, yet he or she is saying that he or she is not a liar.
The group member was keen on emotions and advising the writer. I statements are ‘I feel’ and ‘I think’. They are important in making the group member realize the writer’s emotions. For example, “I think it is the right time for members to start minding their own businesses” made the group member to rationally think and disclose his or her feelings about the writer’s complaints. This correlates to the group member’s statement “I am planning to let the professor know your behaviors”. It assists the church member to counter the writer’s feelings.
The church member was keen on the writer’s statements. I statement used is ‘I am’. It gives the writer’s feelings about going to fellowships. For instance, “I am worried about most of the choir members” helps the church member to tell the writer that it is upon choir members to attend fellowships. The church member informed the writer that attending fellowships does not guarantee an eternal life.
Edwards, Autumn , Chad Edwards, Shawn Wahl, and Scott Myers. The communication age: Connecting and engaging. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications, 2012. Print.