Low satisfaction of one of the partners is one of the most common causes of marital conflict. It may be caused by various factors, but one of the most critical sources of satisfaction, or lack thereof, is sexual desire. A mismatch between the partners’ sex drives is likely to create a divide in the family, leading to a variety of consequences, such as outright conflict or the initiation of a side affair. This paper aims to study the correlation between different libido and conflict in relationships and marriages.
Sex Drive in a Relationship
A person’s sex drive does not stay stable throughout the entire relationship. According to Impett, Muise, and Peragine (2014), passion and desire tend to peak at the beginning of the relationship and then decline. The common reasons for the decrease are the stability of intimacy, which makes sex less exciting, overfamiliarity with a partner, and the desexualization of roles. The researchers also report that higher sexual desire was associated with increased satisfaction with the relationship, even if the frequency of intercourse was lower than desired.
When families are taken into consideration, one must pay attention to another critical factor, namely pregnancy. Pregnant women, as well as those in the postpartum period, often report decreased sexual desire as well as some other concerns and tend not to seek adequate help, states Pomeroy (2014). This inclination naturally leads to a decrease in the sexual satisfaction of both the women in question and their partners, who are usually unaware of the full scope of the issues.
As married couples may sometimes be in extremely long-term relationships, an investigation into the mechanics of marital satisfaction in long marriages is warranted. According to Lee and Tetley (2017), sexual activity can continue well into a couple’s 70s, and they can enjoy intimacy and report satisfaction even when intercourse is not performed. Although some respondents were dissatisfied due to their mismatched libido, they had accepted it as a part of the relationship that could not be changed and did not create conflict over it.
Lastly, sexual dysfunctions and disorders usually have a significant adverse effect on a relationship. Sharma and Kumar (2016) describe a variety of issues, their causes, symptoms, and management. As they adversely influence the perception and satisfaction of one or both partners, severe dysfunctions can heavily affect sexual acts and lead the healthy person to seek another who can satisfy them. However, people with those conditions may still report high satisfaction, just as good sexual health may be accompanied by lower contentment.
Theory of Sex Drive in Relationships
Sex drive affects considerably more than just the sexual satisfaction of the partners in a relationship. According to theorists, sexuality can be a powerful influence on a variety of a person’s characteristics such as health and personality and even act as a neurochemical factor similar to an addictive intoxicant (Tolman & Diamond, 2014). The following section reviews theoretical literature on the subject that involves various impacts of sex drive.
The first study concerns the effects of sexual activity and satisfaction on the physical and mental health of a couple. According to Diamond (2015), sexual health, defined as the frequency and quality of intercourse, is directly related to the physical and mental health of both partners. Furthermore, the author claims that an individual’s satisfaction with their sex life is determined by their perception of the cost-to-reward ratio in intercourse. The cost is the concessions they have to unwillingly make to their partner and the reward is the satisfaction with the act itself. The study also notes that couples of any gender and sexuality are susceptible to sexual drive mismatches.
The second study concerns the psychological impact of a person’s sex drive on their personality and individuality. Rapoport and Ben-Shahar (2017) explore the work of Sabina Spielrein on the relational psychoanalysis theory. According to them, the current approach is insufficient due to its omission of biological drives and their impact on the individuality of the person. The findings may help explain the reactions of fear and avoidance towards genuinely intimate sexual contact that adversely affect both the satisfaction of the partners and the relationship as a whole.
The third study is a review of the varied neurochemical reactions related to the emotion of love and its various phases. According to Uddin (2017), the divorce rate is higher in love marriages than in arranged once, supposedly due to disappointment in unfeasible prospects. However, the author puts forward the idea that the chemicals that correspond to love may cause an addiction. Said addiction can provoke the person to abandon their previous object of attraction and seek a new one to experience the emotion to its full extent again. Nevertheless, they note that the mechanics of such an addiction would be significantly different from dependence on an addictive drug, as the object of love does not always reciprocate the emotion, thus not delivering the reward. As such, they declare that an addiction to love may be beneficial when the affected person satisfies it by repeating the process with the same partner.
Empirical Studies
There are not many practical studies concerning the effects of sex drive, and particularly mismatches in it, on marital satisfaction or the conflicts that may arise from sexual discontent. However, the results display tendencies that must be taken into consideration when looking into both studies of sexuality as a whole and the mechanics of relationship conflict. The following section investigates empirical research into marital satisfaction, its conclusions, limitations, and possible relevance and impact on the theory.
The first study examines the relationship between sex drive, the sensation-seeking impulses, and marital satisfaction in women. Samifar and Shakerinejad (2014) surveyed the women of the Iranian city of Kundasht. They hypothesized that people with higher sex drive would display greater impulses, the satisfaction of which would lead to higher satisfaction. The hypothesis was confirmed, but the survey also revealed several other noteworthy tendencies. One is that couples with matching sensation-seeking impulses would display higher satisfaction compared to those with differing sex drive. Another is that there is no correlation between marital satisfaction and the duration of a marriage, which may indicate that issues caused by sexual mismatch are usually not severe enough to have an impact on the partners’ commitment to the union.
The second study investigates the effects of family and social support on the marital satisfaction of women with major depression disorder. According to Abdi, Amiri, and Mohammadi (2015), the condition is present in between 15% and 25% of all women and support from both the family and the community is vital to the treatment of the issue, though the family’s aid is more critical. The results of the study indicated an indirect relationship between the family processes and marital satisfaction. A parallel can be drawn between MDD and postpartum depression, suggesting that in addition to the traditional psychological and medical treatment, support from the family is crucial to maintaining marital satisfaction.
Findings
The research in this paper served to outline the views of various theoretical disciplines on the concept of marital discord and its relation to sex drive. The traditional theory claims that matching sex drives are conducive, but not vital, to a successful relationship. Furthermore, maintaining a healthy sex life is beneficial to the overall physical and mental well-being of a person. However, the theories still warrant improvement, and therefore it is necessary to conduct more practical studies.
The existing empirical research affirms the assumptions of the theorists but also displays results that require further investigation and explanation. If conflict caused by sexual mismatch does not escalate far enough to cause divorces, it is necessary to understand how the tension between partners is relieved. Furthermore, while family support is vital to marital satisfaction, further research is required to determine the degree of sexual satisfaction’s impact on marriages.
Conclusion
This paper investigated a considerable amount of literature about the effect of sex drive differences on marital conflict. The examination revealed that the theory behind marital satisfaction is developed and encompasses a broad range of disciplines, but requires further improvement. The primary weakness of the theoretical studies is the lack of practical analysis concerned with the matter, and existing research reveals findings that are either inconsistent with the theories or omitted in them altogether, opening up new areas of inquiry. To advance the knowledge on the matter, it is vital to conduct more empirical investigations, examine the results, and either modify the existing theories or formulate new ones.
References
Abdi, S., Amiri, S., & Mohammadi, S. (2015). Relationship between family processes and social support through mediating marital satisfaction: Structural model of social support in major depression women. Journal of Applied Environmental and Biological Sciences, 4(5S), 48-54.
Diamond, L. M. (2015). Sexuality and same-sex sexuality in relationships. APA Handbook of Personality and Social Psychology, 3, 523-553.
Impett, E. A., Muise, A., & Peragine, D. (2014). Sexuality in the context of relationships. In D. L. Tolman et al. (Eds.), APA handbook of sexuality and psychology, Vol. 1. Person-based approaches (pp. 269-315). Washington, DC, US: American Psychological Association.
Lee, D., & Tetley, J. (2017). How long will I love you? – Sex and intimacy in later life. Web.
Pomeroy, N. (2014). A survey of female response to postpartum sexual interaction. Web.
Rapoport, E., & Ben-Shahar, A. R. (2017). Learning from Sabina Spielrein: Charting a path for a relational drive theory. International Body Psychotherapy Journal, 16(3), 47-62.
Samifar, H., & Shakerinejad, G. (2014). The relationship between sensation seeking and marital satisfaction among women. International Journal of Multidisciplinary and Current Research, 2, 592-595.
Sharma, S., & Kumar, S. (2016). Sexual dysfunctions and sexual disorders issues and management. International Journal of Multidisciplinary and Current Research, 4, 641-645.
Tolman, D. L., & Diamond, L. M. (2014). Sexuality theory: A review, a revision, and a recommendation. APA handbook of sexuality and psychology, 1, 3-27.
Uddin, M. S. (2017). Neurochemistry of love: Can romantic love truly be addictive? Journal of Psychiatry, 21(1). Web.