Introduction
Humans are used to live and communicate with others creating social organizations and social groups. A human being is asocial creature needed interaction and communication with people like “me”. The statement and position of John Donne is correct because it reflects principles of social organization and control. The human being must engage others, develop relationships, accrue goodwill, and establish a system of support network resources. In time of need, the individual must actively engage these social resources, seeking help and managing supportive exchanges. This process may require considerable social skill, skill that develops and gains sophistication slowly and with experience. The transactional nature of support processes represents another thread of continuity in social support over the life course (Neimeyer & Neimeyer 2002). The development, maintenance, and engagement of support resources is an active process from the first to the last year of life. This is not to say that the person can always manage support resources effectively and with ease, but rather that the behavior of the focal person matters. Indeed, the skills required in dealing with support resources very likely show developmental continuity.
Discussion
“No man is an island” because throughout the individual’s life, a person engages in an active appraisal of the social world, of relationships with support network members and of the supportive behavior in which they have engaged. The young personalities may be less articulate about this than is the college-educated adult, but the process whereby special attention or its absence, treats or broken promises, come to be appraised in terms of one person’s feelings for another begins very early (Myers, 2002). The assessment of social standing becomes a veritable obsession during adolescence. Adolescents may be more tolerant, encompass a broader range of data, develop more elaborate appraisals, and be less volatile informing them, but the basic process shows considerable continuity. In short, although the details change, throughout his or her life the individual is engaged in appraising support resources and supportive behavior and in forming beliefs regarding the degree to which he or she is loved and cared for, respected and esteemed, and involved in a network of mutual obligation. The major functions are to provide supplementary assistance to the focal person in dealing with demands and achieving goals, to sustain feelings of being cared for and valued, and to sustain a sense of social identity and social location. “Conversely, lack or loss of interpersonal relationships leads to negative emotional experiences such as anxiety, depression, distress, loneliness, and feelings of isolation? (Carvallo and Gabriel 2006, p. 698).
Many research studies suggest that gender is irrelevant both to levels of support and to its effects on well-being. But quite a few studies find women advantaged when we focus on particular modes and/or sources of support, specifically, emotional support and friends (Kelly, 2002). Likewise, differences in support effects, when they are observed, tend to be specific with respect to cause, mode, and outcome although no clear pattern is yet evident. Future research will benefit from valid, reliable, and focused support measures. No doubt questions regarding gender differences will be specific rather than general and will be explored within the context of social-role and sex-role factors thought to underlie gender effects. Among middle-class people, social support showed a direct effect on distress, regardless of stress level (that is, the number of life events experienced). That is, the data for the middle class were consistent with a direct model whereas those for the lower class indicated a buffer model. Carvallo & Gabriel (2006) stated: “We expected that after receiving feedback of future interpersonal success, high-dismissing individuals would experience higher levels of positive affect relative to lowdismissing individual” (p. 704).
Isolation and loneliness are not natural for a man. However, support from family and friends was significantly more important for men than for women in the prediction of both life satisfaction and depression. Support from colleagues was significantly more important for women than for men in the prediction of anxiety. The relative importance of work and non-work support for men and women suggested by these findings is contrary to both common opinion and some previous findings (Dumm, 2008). Their focus was high-school change, specifically, grades and attendance, peer self-concept, and scholastic self-concept. Academic adjustment was associated with informal support for both boys and girls, whereas peer self-concept was associated with both informal and formal support among boys, but neither among girls. Thus the higher informal support reported by girls (noted earlier) was less beneficial than that available to boys (Dumm, 2008).
Social loneliness results from the lack of a network of social relationships and is associated with boredom and depression. In contrast, emotional loneliness results from the absence of a close and intimate attachment to another person and is associated with a sense of isolation and anxiety. The evidence for these propositions is qualified. There is an example of how support might be linked to psychological distress in a more particular manner than is evident in current research. First, regarding the view that people are especially independent and reluctant to seek help from others, a qualitative finding is relevant. In a small sample of families, Dumm (2008) found that half the women, but all the men, showed a negative network orientation: an unwillingness to utilize support resources because of mistrust, independence, or beliefs that others cannot provide help. This posture toward others, it is argued, impedes the growth, maintenance, and use of support resources with adverse effects on well-being. The authors note that regularized patterns of social conflict as well as support are evident in the social networks and that these differed by gender. The gender differences are modest but consistent. Especially for women, the “classically integrative institutions” of family, work, and support networks also contain significant elements of friction. Social support variables included the number of extended kin in the community and extended kin and nonkin support resources (those who would help with various problems) (Higdon, 2004). For instance, none of these support variables showed evidence of buffering the effects of either life events or chronic stressors, and only kin support resources showed an association with lower depression. Though, younger women reported particularly high levels of depression and of kin support resources. Further analyses showed no direct or buffer effects for either younger or older women and only one buffer effect for men. Those with more extended kin resources were affected relatively less by life events. Investigation of gender differences in social network precursors of loneliness, Stokes and Levin (1986) found that social network factors, particularly density, were better predictors of loneliness in men than women. In a second study, they explored the density finding further, focusing on same-sex friends. Findings indicated that more interconnected, cohesive social networks are associated with lower loneliness for men but not for women. These studies suggest a greater importance for certain social network factors for men than women, at least with respect to loneliness (Howard, 2005).
Critics suggest that the forming of a bond of attachment is programmed into the baby for sound biological reasons. People who stay close to another person are likely to benefit from an umbrella of protection against an environment which can be very harsh both in climate and predators. Therefore, people who have a trait to attach themselves to society stand a good chance of reaching maturity, and passing on their genes into the next generation, genes for the attachment trait. In that case, failure to form a bond in infancy, or the disruption of a bond, would be counter to the baby’s natural tendency, and as a result might have dire social, psychological and physical consequences (Cacioppo and Patrick, 2008).
“no man is an island” as there is an approach in which it makes sense that the person should attach himself to a parent is that the reward of love to the caring adult is likely to encourage her to return love and take the baby under her wing. I use the feathered metaphor here for good reason. The sociobiologists have demonstrated a primitive form of attachment in geese. He observed that shortly after hatching, the chicks would follow the parent wherever she went. This has implications for the survival of the chicks, so he wondered whether this tendency was innate. The chicks could not have a perfect image of their parent programmed into their brains from birth, so Lorenz wondered instead if they are programmed to attach themselves to the first conspicuous moving thing they see. This would almost certainly be the parent. Such experiences in themselves could be disturbing to the people, over and above the separation. Consequently, perhaps the particular circumstance of separation is the factor which gives rise to permanent emotional damage, and not so much the mere fact of separation. Clearly separation is traumatic for a person, but there is scope for emotional repair when normal family life resumes in many cases (Carvallo and Gabriel 2006).
People dot suffer from anxiety for obvious reasons. Instead, they suffer from ostracism. Critics claimed that girls believe that they have already been castrated in order to account for the difference between their own physiology and their brothers’ (Hawkley et al 2009). This causes a similar kind of anxiety and makes the girl hate the parent, but eventually identifies with her in order to get attention and favor from her father. The moral ideals of the parents, as perceived by the person, are assimilated into the personality as the appropriate moral code. The superego may place strain on the personality, since its values are usually unrealistic. However, it has the benefit of making the person considerate of others, and thus enables her to enter society as a conscientious and caring individual. Because of this, the personalities can move beyond the bounds of the family, and enter school and other institutions as a socialized person. In their study, Hawkley et al (2008) explain that: “Social control differences may explain lower activity levels in lonely individuals. Social control theory holds that internalized obligations to, and the overt influence of, network members tend to discourage poor health behaviors and encourage good health behaviors” (p. 354).
Attachment bonds, developed in early age, take various forms, and researchers have found it useful to place these forms into three broad categories. ‘Secure attachment’ is evident in approximately 50 to 67 % of parents’ relationships in industrialized countries. Researchers give the following example: when the parent returns to the room, following a short absence, the baby will often provide an overt display of delight at her return. The small person will smile, laugh, wave, and crawl towards her. If the parent picks him up, he will smile, kiss, hug and sink into her body. He will never act aggressively, pushing away, biting, hitting or squirming (Over and Carpenter 2009). The unsocially attached person seems susceptible to temper tantrums, throwing toys and hitting the parent. In the strange situation, when left alone with a stranger, these people are less likely to display overt anxiety, yet clearly are anxious since measures of heart rate show increase consistent with an anxiety experience. When the parent returns, the small child might avoid her, or move towards her but move away again without making any physical contact. The study made by Over and Carpenter (2009) suggests that: “Results showed that children primed with ostracism imitated the actions of a model significantly more closely than children not primed with ostracism. Interestingly, however, children in the two conditions did not differ in their tendency to turn on the light – every child did, or attempted to do this” (p. F5). Sex-role identity is the part of our personality which is responsible for our sex-appropriate behavior. Some behaviors stereotypically defined as male might be drinking beer, playing football, swearing, wearing trousers, smoking cigars or a pipe, flattering women, being decisive, being aggressive. Some stereotypical female sex-appropriate behaviors might be wearing lipstick, sewing, being unassertive, being emotional, wearing dresses, drinking cocktails, flirting with men, being defenseless, being submissive. Social learning approach makes a good deal of common sense. If people witness aggressive behavior, then that behavior will become legitimized to the person by the very fact that there is now a precedent for it (Over and Carpenter 2009).
Conclusion
In sum, the statement by John Donne is true as a man cannot live in isolation from society. As noted above, throughout a person’s life, other people help with services, information, money, or advice when there are needed to deal with a stressor or to achieve a goal. To a greater or lesser degree, they express caring, affection, and respect for the person; they help him maintain a sense of who he is and where he belongs.
References
Cacioppo, J. T., Patrick, W. 2008, Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection. W.W. Norton & Co.
Carvallo, M., Gabriel, Sh. 2006, No man Is an Island: The Need to Belong and Dismissing Avoidant Attachment Style. Personal Social Psychological Bulletin; 32 (1), p. 697.
Dumm, Th. 2008. Loneliness as a Way of Life. Harvard University Press
Hawkley, L. C. Thisted, R. A., Cacioppo, J. T. 2009. Loneliness Predicts Reduced Physical Activity: Cross-Sectional & Longitudinal Analyses. Health Psychology American Psychological Association 28 (3), pp. 354–363
Higdon, Juliet. 2004. From Counselling Skills to Counsellor: A Psychodynamic Approach (Paperback). Palgrave Macmillan.
Howard, Susan. 2005. Psychodynamic Counselling in a Nutshell. Sage Publications Ltd, November.
Kelly, G. A. 2002. The psychology of personal constructs. New York: Norton.
Myers, David G. 2002. Psychology. Hope College. Worth Publishers, Holland, Michigan. Fourth edition.
Neimeyer, R. A. & Neimeyer, G. J. (Eds.) 2002. Advances in Personal Construct Psychology. New York: Praeger.
Over, H., Carpenter, M. 2009. Priming third-party ostracism increases affiliative imitation in children. Developmental Science 12 (3), pp F1–F8