Introduction
In this day and age, committed relationships have evolved to include various kinds and arrangements. Heterosexual romantic relationships usually start with dating, and upon getting to know each other better, may lead to marriage, cohabitation or divorce or separation. This paper will discuss some challenges of marriages, especially when it comes to sex. It will discuss two films about marriages, “The Mirror Has Two Faces”, a movie from 1996 directed and starred in by Barbara Streisand, and “Sunrise”, a classic movie from 1927 by F.W. Murnau long before Technicolor and computer-generated images have been invented.
Both movies feature married couples and how they survive the trials of their marriage. Both films can actually represent movies that create relationships and bring people together, but some aspects in the movies also depict breaking down of the marriage. For this paper, the movie “The Mirror Has Two Faces” will show the breakdown of a marriage and the movie “Sunrise” will show how the marriage is saved after surviving some challenges.
Marriage
Marriage is usually a culmination of a romantic relationship between a man and a woman who have been in a committed relationship and decided that they want to spend the rest of their lives together. They formalize their vow to love, honour and obey each other forever with a wedding ritual usually held in a church officiated by a priest, a pastor or other religious leaders who are qualified to legally bind the couple in marriage. The married couple are expected to be faithful to each other and not entertain the prospect of another romantic relationship outside of their marriage. Sex is part of the marriage, as it is a physical act to seal and express their love and affection for each other.
Both parties are able to find fulfilment, satisfaction and pleasure in sex. However, the frequency of engagement in sexual activities usually decreases with age and length of marriage. As people age, they are less able to perform at their peak for sexual encounters and it results in less satisfaction for both the individual and his/her sexual partner. However, it is the general quality of a couple’s marriage which is rated as more important than sex as key to the couple’s happiness. Being able to talk to each other openly, sharing similar interests and keeping each other interested in nurturing their relationship are elements that are likely to keep couples from separating and ending their marriages in divorce.
How the Films Depicted Marriage
In “The Mirror has Two Faces”, the main characters Gregory and Rose entered marriage without being clear about their expectations of each other and the marital grounds on which they needed to live by. Rose expected to fulfil her marital obligation to please her husband sexually, while Gregory held back because he believed that sex will only complicate things and can be responsible for breaking good relationships. This set up may have been established from their deep friendship without the physical affection most people share before marriage. Gregory has been traumatized several times before in his past relationships that involved sex. Hence, he resolved to find somebody who will stay with him even without the excitement that sex brings, which indicates that he is loved for himself and not his sexual prowess.
He found that in Rose, who was plain-looking but very smart and met his requirements for love and affection as well as mental stimulation. However, Rose did not share his views once they were married. She wanted to feel desired and experience the joys of marital sex but felt rebuffed every time she made a move to seduce her husband. This difference in views was responsible for breaking down their relationship. Rose felt rejected and undesirable and Gregory felt Rose did not respect his views and was breaking his trust and expectations by asking for sex.
Sexual temptation was part of the challenge that the married couple in the movie “Sunrise” had to confront. The simple husband from the country was seduced by a sophisticated and worldly woman from the city. He was ready to kill his wife for his mistress so that they can escape and be together in the city until his conscience nagged him. He did attempt to drown his wife, but he could not do it. Realizing his evil plan, his wife resented him and was at the verge of leaving him, but a day together in the city changed all that. They both remembered their marriage vows to “love, honor and obey each other till death do they part”.
Away from their daily routine in the country and their duties and responsibilities as parents and farmers, they had the opportunity to spend quality time together and to really have a closer look at each other after a long time of neglecting their romantic relationship. Engaging in fun and spontaneous activities together rekindled the fire in their marriage. The man realized how much he loved his wife and how meaningful their marriage was to him. This marked the beginning of the couple’s re-trial of their marriage, rebuilding what was lost in order to strengthen the foundation of their marriage more.
In analyzing the building of the couples’ relationships in both films, it was evident that good communication, sharing the same interests and commitment to each other are essential factors that married couples should have (Tolhuizen: 420). The couple in the movie “Sunrise” had happy moments together before temptation struck. They were shown to be enjoying their simple life as a family, content with what they had – food on the table, clothes on their back and a roof over their heads. Relishing such blessings should have kept them happy. Instead, the husband gave in to temptation and desired so much more, as promised by his mistress when they get to the city. It was a world which seemed so exciting to the simple husband. The viewer can learn from his mistake that being content with what one has and not aspiring for more is the secret to happiness.
However, in this contemporary time, greed and ambition are encouraged. The acquisition of material luxuries has become an accepted way of life. It seems materiality and worldliness have taken over as priorities of people instead of deriving joy from simple, non-concrete things such as enjoying each other’s company and finding joy in family solidarity. Satisfaction in the marriage may be associated with romance, commitment, relationship stability and quality time spent together (Sakalli-Ugurlu: 300). These are the things that couples need to nourish in their marriage.
In “The Mirror Has Two Faces”, coming to an understanding of each other’s beliefs and values by opening the channels of communication rebuilt the brokenness of the couple’s marriage. Gregory was the one who kept on communicating his passion for a sexless marriage without seeing the needs of his wife, Rose. Because Rose was in love with Gregory, she tried to accept his beliefs, shunning aside her own about passion and romance and sexual intimacy in marriage. However, being fed up with the dissatisfaction of not being pursued or desired as a woman, she finally expressed her own beliefs to Gregory about her needs. He understood her points and realized that all the while, he also subscribed to the same beliefs deep down inside. He was just too afraid to be burnt again by being too much in love with his wife and knew making love with her would only intensify it more.
The last scene of confrontation and open communication was the beginning of their journey to intimacy in their marriage. It is important for couples to continue appreciating each other and showing desire for each other throughout their marriage. This fulfils one’s need to feel attractive to his or her partner to maintain a healthy self esteem (Ambwani & Strauss: 14).
Downfalls of marriages learned from the two films include infidelity and weakness in the face of temptation, poor communication and self-absorption or failure to see one’s partner’s perspectives. These all point to selfishness, which happy marriages have no room for. Couples who are happily married are bent on making their partners happy and fulfilled and prioritize their needs over their own.
Conclusion
This paper has purported to discuss the factors that help build happy marriages and the factors that challenge marriages to tempt destruction. Sex is one factor that can play both roles. In the movie “The Mirror Has Two Faces”, it was the lack of sex that seemed to have destroyed the marriage. In “Sunrise”, it was the sexual infidelity committed by the husband which threatened his marriage. It was established that sex is important to cement a marriage, however, further analysis found that more than sex, the quality of communication and satisfaction in what one is already blessed with are also factors responsible in the success or failure of a marriage.
Keeping the lines of communication open clears away any doubts or misunderstandings of certain issues that may block the harmony of the married couple. Rose’s need to be desired should have been communicated early on together with Gregory’s need to be loved and accepted even without sex. It would have saved them from heartache and wastage of precious time together had their differences been resolved from the start. The husband in “Sunrise” should have remained satisfied with his happy marriage and not have given in to temptation, which almost caused him his marriage. Hindsight is said to be much clearer with the “should have’s” and although the lessons learned here were derived from movies, they are worth remembering. They may be hypothetical situations to the readers, but they do benefit from the stories of the characters and how their relationships were played out.
In the end, love still prevailed as both married couples were able to settle their differences and repaired what was damaged in their marriages. Hopefully, in real life, real married couples can follow suit.
Works Cited
Ambwani, Suman & Strauss, Jaine. “Love Thyself Before Loving Others? A Qualitative and Quantitative Analysis of Gender Differences in Body Image and Romantic Love”, Sex Roles, 56: 13-21. 2007. Print
Murnau, F.W., dir. Sunrise, A Tale of Two Humans. Fox Films. 1927. Film.
Sakalli-Ugurlu, Nuray, How Do Romantic Relationship Satisfaction, Gender Stereotypes and Gender Relate to Future Time Orientation in Romantic Relationships?, The Journal of Psychology, 137(3), 294-303, 2003. Print.
Streisand, Barbara, dir. The Mirror Has Two Faces. TriStar Pictures. 1996. Film.
Tolhuizen, James H., Communication strategies for intensifying dating relationships: Identification, use and structure. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 6, 413–434. 1989. Print.