Oral history is a significant way of comprehending life experiences in a historical manner rather than other methods like interview. Oral history can also meet the educational ideas and knowledge. It makes individuals feel like giving their own life’s story (Kling.S & Kling, E.1950). As Erik Erikson states, a person’s life has tremendous critical stages of development.
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Development stages of life
Individuals’ personal lives come in opposites. They include: independent or dependent, pessimistic or optimistic, leader or follower, aggressive or passive, together with others. Some of these traits are into persons, in borns, while others are learnt as one grows up. Eric Erikson gives his life history from childhood to adulthood. In his study, he became aware that culture significantly influences behavior of human beings. He came into a conclusion that development of a person is determined by interaction of the body, mind, and culture. This is according to the philosophy that the world enlarges as people move along. He arranged life’s development stages that are from birth to death.
What is your name? My name is Elvira Carson
How did you meet with your spouse? I met my husband in the neighborhood I was raised. It was in Gary India where we used to visit a mine in neighbor. My husband could take the long distance past my home to make sure I saw him. One day, he asked me out and we went bowling. This is was a time when racism was high. Therefore, we could not do all what we wished. However, my husband loved to skate, catch a film, and music shows in the city.
Where and how did proposal take place? My husband was twenty five years old as I was four year younger than him when he proposed to me. We went on a date for dinner and this is when this took place.
Where did you get married? We married in my parent living room. I was extremely excited since my father approved of my husband.
How is your spouse? What is your admiration to him? My husband dresses well. He is a man enough and he offers me all what a wife requires from her husband. He is very understanding. He is kind hearted and hardworking since he did not give up raising our four children and my cousin’s four children.
What did or does your family enjoy doing together? My family together with I enjoyed cooking out as our children played basket ball and many other games together.
What do you believe is the key to a successful marriage? Communication is the key thing that helps in making marriage successful. Partners should learn to understand one another. To maintain a joyful family, couples ought to consult each other before making any decision concerning their family. Taking care of children together as parents helps in making a marriage successful. This is because raising children in marriage requires a lot attention from both parents. For example, spirituality is necessary for a children, discipline should be enhanced by both parents, parents should always check on the performance of their children in school, and many others. Also, parents should avoid single parenthood if both parents are alive. This is because it greatly contributes to lowering children’s self-esteem.
What is your best moment as a parent? As a parent, I enjoy watching our children play and see how creative they are in their activities. I feel happy when I see how far a child can think when it comes to solving problems while playing with others. Also, this makes me observe and conclude the thinking capacity of our children.
Principles that make a marriage successful
There are several principles by Gottman that help in making a marriage successful. If all of them are put into practice in a marriage, they result into success in marriage. On the other hand, if they are not practiced, a marriage becomes miserable. Therefore, it is necessary to use them in marriages.
Enhancing love maps
Partners who love one another must understand each other. In other words, couples ought to know one another’s likes and dislikes. In his research work, Gottman states that this is a point that couples need to put into consideration for the success of their marriages.
Nature of fondness and admiration
This is where loving couples respect one another. This is achieved through having a positive view to one another. These two elements help in making relationships and families long lasting. As Gottman says, a marriage cannot succeed if these elements are missing. Partners should also learn to appreciate one another.
Turn towards each other instead of away
Romance is not the most expensive luxury. Rather, it is kept thriving each and every day by little things. According to Gottman, romance is maintained through cheering up each other if bad mood. Also, romance is making one’s spouse aware that he or she is valued always. Romance can also be having time to listen to each other’s dreams for a bright future of the family. Turning to each other in times of problems in the family is a way of making a family successful. This is a principle that differentiates a successful marriage from the miserable ones.
Allowing partners influence one another
Joyful families are the ones that respect each other’s feelings and decisions. They sit, discuss ideas to improve their family together, and come up with a common conclusion. This helps in bringing harmony in the family since there are no quarrels why a certain thing was done without consulting each other. On the contrary, it should be clear that one partner should not disrespect the other partner’s decisions.
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Solving the solvable problems
According to Gottman, there two types of problems in marriage, that is, conflicts that are solvable and those that are not. Therefore, couples must know which is which. He states that the solvable ones are the less painful, grid locked, and others. Partners should start a conversation without rudeness or criticism, to solve solvable problems in the family. Also, partners ought to stand each other’s weaknesses.
Overcoming grid lock
Unfulfilled dreams are the ones that underlie gridlock. Gridlock is a situation where one has dreams that are not respected by each other. Joyful partners help one another know their dreams and work on them. For them to overcome gridlock, a couple should first identify the dream that is causing conflicts in the family. Secondly, the couple should discuss the dream and determine to either go on with it or not.
Creating shared meaning
A successful marriage is not just raising children and making love. Gottman says that spirituality is also necessary in a family to help build a bright future for the children.
Kling, S. G., & Kling, E. B. (1950). The marriage guide,. New York: Prentice-Hall.