Introduction
In this study, it was decided to analyze parenting models and approaches in a family with which I have the honor to be directly acquainted. For the study, the Lee family was taken as an experimental model of the family. The Lee couple has become my neighbors recently after being forced to move to the United States with their many children. All I knew directly about Lee was that his family had migrated from Western Asia, probably from Syria. Lee is not very fond of dwelling on his past, and therefore there are reasons to believe that they migrated for political reasons or in connection with the economic and political crisis (Chuang et al., 2021).
The life of migrants is problematic for a number of economic, social, and psychological reasons. The process of adapting to life in another country can seem painful and difficult. Therefore, an additional burden of responsibility is imposed on parents, who must prepare children for a fulfilling life in the new realities. The process of acculturation can be accompanied by stress and frustration, so it is fundamentally important for parents not to transfer these feelings to their children. Children turn out to be extremely sensitive to the behavior of their parents and are able to subconsciously adopt the parameters of behavior and thinking. Thus, the immigrant parent should never show the child a weakness in front of the outside world in order to avoid repeating such a relationship with reality.
The format of my research turned out to be due to our immediate neighborhood. The Lee family occupies a home space, which is clearly not enough space for the entire family. The fact is that the Lee family has three children, one of whom is just a baby, and the other two are studying at the moment in high school. Because of the need to share a limited amount of space together, it is not difficult to assume that this can be inconvenient and difficult. Interaction in a confined space for a long time can serve as a reason for stress and uncontrolled manifestations of aggression. At the same time, the Lee family, despite the social stigma, seems to be one of the friendliest ones I know. Therefore, one of the tasks of the study was the need to find out the real essence of their life and try to rationalize it.
General Description of the Family
The family consists of Abdullah Lee, the father, forty-two years old, his wife Fatima, who is thirty-nine, and three children. Karim and Abdul are in the fourth and third grades, respectively. Little Ahmad was born to a family couple quite recently, he is only one and a half years old, and he is just learning to walk on his own. The genetic tree of the Lee family has proven difficult to trace. Lee answered the questions rather evasively, not wanting to give away the exact place of his origin and the reasons for emigration. However, from what Lee said, it could be inferred that his parents remained in their home country.
Lee does not really want to clarify his homeland’s social and civic situation, only answering that everything is in order with his parents, and they keep in touch by phone and e-mail. On the other hand, Fatima Lee avoided talking about her family in every possible way, from which I concluded that she does not maintain communication with any of her relatives. Thus, only Abdullah’s relatives are included in the genetic tree. It was not possible to establish Fatima’s relatives during the research, but Fatima is currently an integral part of Lee’s family tree.
When asked if Abdullah had brothers or sisters, he answered in the affirmative. His older brother Fatih is currently in another state, to which he moved two years earlier than Abdullah. Fatih quickly settled in a new reality and even met an American girl named Monica, with whom they are engaged and expect a wedding. Lee claims that contact with Fatih motivated him to move to the states in search of a better life. He is grateful to Fatih for the support with money and advice, which were so necessary for adapting to a new kind of life.
The Lee family belongs to the Muslim confession, which certainly imposes certain conditions on their life in American society. Despite the fact that the Muslim community in America is quite large, representatives of this religion face certain difficulties. Most of all, the Lee family, before moving, was worried about the possible social stigma of an eastern migrant (Salas-Wright et al., 2021). Representatives of Muslim confessions declare the presence of prejudices regarding their culture and customs and the uncomfortable political situation that has reigned since 2016. In many ways, Lee’s doubts about the move were also associated with the new administration and its policies in which racist and xenophobic motives can be observed. However, the social situation in his home country, judging by what Lee said, forced him to take his family and move to America immediately. Parents refused to move because they were not ready for such grandiose changes in their lives, but Lee keeps in touch with them and helps them with money.
The family does not like to remember the past in their homeland very willingly. This certainly imposes a certain degree of secrecy on the family tree and, in particular, on the ability to trace hereditary trends in psychology and behavior. Nevertheless, despite the forced relocation, the Lee family remains quite traditional and carries an oriental identity in their daily life. Lee states that he feels a certain amount of tension in the social environment, and this does not seem like a coincidence. The Muslim community in America is extremely large and diverse, and due to the many social upheavals in the eyes of some, the immigrant acquires an ambiguous social status.
When asked whether his family has to deal with examples of the post-effects of racial segregation, Abdullah answers in the affirmative. Unfortunately, according to him, xenophobic behavior primarily affects his children, Karim, and Abdul. This happens not only in cases of their education in a general education school and interaction with peers, although misunderstandings and sad incidents occur in these cases.
After asking Karim and Abdul about how they feel at school, I concluded that the experience they face every day at school could not be called abusive. There is no element of bullying or peer abuse of outcast classmates. However, Karim and Abdul are kinds of outcasts in their school for a number of cultural reasons. But the main reason that the brothers did not have close friends at school and felt that they do not make contact with them is the prejudice embedded in education. American television and sensational news designed to shock audiences put aside, along with anti-terrorist propaganda, an imprint on the perception of the American population about practicing the Islamic religion. The manifestation of this faith, such as, for example, performing the prayer of namaz, is perceived by society not with hostility but with caution. Another perception of the religious behavior of Karim and Abdul, as in the case of children, is misunderstanding and sometimes even ridicule.
It should be noted that the brothers themselves are very friendly, which gives them the opportunity not to feel completely detached from the world. They clearly enjoy spending time together, as the brothers are extremely restless, active, and love to play outside. Despite the cheerfulness and generally optimistic perception of the world, Karim and Abdul are quite devout. They perceive the Islamic religion as a very serious game, in which the observance of the rules and the performance of rituals is extremely important.
Family Dynamics
The friendliness and closeness of internal ties in general as a whole distinguish the Lee family in particular. In the interaction between all members of the family, a certain trust is felt. For the family interviewed by the researcher, their relationship seems quite open. A quarrel or raising a voice in the Lee family seems almost impossible. Despite their natural childish gaiety, Karim and Abdul try to suppress their excessive activity in the presence of their father. If such behavior still breaks through, Abdullah does not need to raise his voice in order for them to unquestioningly stop making noise.
Looking analytically at their family behavior, I nevertheless drew attention to the fact that although peace and visible harmony reign in it, discipline and obedience are the primary parameters of the educational model in this family. If one tries to define the principle of upbringing in the Lee family, one could raise the question of whether this is an authoritarian model or an authoritative one. While these two terms sound pretty similar, the difference between them is quite significant. In the first case, the parent sets clear rules for their child that the child must follow. This is the basis and principle of upbringing, and the subordination in the case of such a model is direct, vertical, and unquestioning. The child is, in fact, subordinate to their parent.
However, in the case of an authoritative model, the set of necessary rules is preserved, but the dialogue is no less important than the rules. This parenting model seems to be the most effective since the child should have the right to know why they cannot or, on the contrary, must do something. Control over the child seems necessary, but communication, knowledge, and especially understanding that can be given to them is much more important. Of course, relationships within the family seem to be well-coordinated and harmonious. During our interview, the children were not excluded from the conversation or did not seem depressed, which indicates that they are receiving the necessary understanding from their parents. However, the unquestioning observance of discipline and especially the strong reluctance of Fatima, Abdullah’s wife, to join the conversation, suggested that the family could function according to an authoritative model. In order to understand the psychological constructs underlying the relationship of the Li family, it was decided to conduct psychosocial testing.
Assessment of the Family Members
After talking with the assembly and observing the members’ behavior, family dynamics, and hierarchy, it became necessary to speak with each Lee separately. In particular, I had a need to talk to Fatima in private to ask her about possible problems in the family, but she refused. At the same time, Abdullah said that all issues should be discussed together and that this is exactly what is done in their family. It seemed that the family members weren’t protesting against Lee’s words.
My psychosocial checklist consisted of a number of problematic points that could be traced back to their family history. The model was taken from nursing practice (Toney-Butler & Unison-Pace, 2018). The list included drug and alcohol use, cultural background, financial status, medical and psychiatric medical history, spiritual aspects, and risks and predispositions to violent behavior. When asked about illegal substances and alcohol, Abdullah answered sharply and negatively, even specifying that if his children start drinking alcohol, they will cease to be his sons. His sharply negative attitude towards alcohol is due to strict abstinence in the Muslim religion, where everything intoxicating is strictly prohibited.
This makes clear the cultural background and religious beliefs that dominate the family. Relations in the Abdullah Lee family are not authoritarian with themselves and not because the father of the family is abusive or cruel. Abdullah is not only extremely religious but also strives to preserve strict traditions in everyday life. His family rules are due to his reverent attitude towards religion. Abdullah explains his severity of the rules by the fact that it is essential to observe the rules of the holy book and build life according to them. However, it can be assumed that Abdullah feels a certain break with his native culture and feels the need to manifest it, at least within his family.
The financial situation of the Lee family leaves much to be desired in light of the fact that Abdullah does not allow Fatima to work. Of course, this saves the brothers Karim and Abdul from child-painting over little Ahmad but puts the family in an ambiguous financial situation. Abdullah works at a car wash, and the money they receive is barely enough for them. However, the Lee family lives quite modestly, also sometimes receiving remittances from Fatih, the elder brother of Abdullah. Lee, the father of the family, seeks to realize himself on his own and therefore refuses Fatih’s periodic offers to move to him. One of the reasons is also Abdullah’s dissatisfaction with the fact that Fatih married a non-Muslim American.
Intervention Techniques and Practical Evaluation
Abdullah’s pride is, in a sense, a consequence of his discipline and habit of seeing himself as an independent figure. Despite the low financial position of the family, which is also complicated by the birth of Abdul, Lee seeks to assert his status as a masculine figure, able to support his family on his own. Discipline in the Lee family seems to be something unquestioning and entrenched as a structure, and given the religious reasons for such an established order, it would be difficult to change. It is required to choose a model of family therapy that will give all family members an opportunity to speak out. However, such therapy, in any case, should be ethically verified and not violate anyone’s religious postulates.
The most effective method here is structural therapy, aimed at overcoming a family of barriers that impede their development as a unit of society. The patriarchy of the figure of Abdullah and his adherence to the rules can distort the idea of reality both in the closed and taciturn Fatima and in children who risk adopting his behavior and worldview. If to focus on the interactions between the family and not on the separate mental structure of each of them, there is the ability to make them listen to each other (Colapinto, 2021).
The strictness and unquestioning nature of the order established by Abdullah Lee may imply that some things in this house may not be spoken for years, but the family is used to it. The family needs therapy that will give them an understanding of both their own and general needs. The therapist would need to give Abdullah a perception of himself as part of the family structure and not as a leading link in its chain. In this case, many tasks would be discussed not from the position of religious dogmas, with which Abdullah can mask his unwillingness to change. Structural therapy would help oppressed family members to offer their own models of interaction, which, in the absence of manifestation of aggression, could build a real dialogue between Abdullah and Fatima.
Perhaps, in this way, the apparently set taboo on the discussion of the family tree of Fatima would be removed. The family unit cannot feel fulfilled if its members stop interacting with each other. This has a toxic effect on the upbringing of children who are already in a difficult state of cultural acclimatization. A therapy based on the interaction of family members with each other is needed to improve the quality of life of each of the family members. The ability to speak and discuss issues that are truly exciting seems essential to this family. It is this key to rethinking the essence of the family and the importance of the connection of each of its elements that the structural therapist must give to the family.
Conclusion
Thus, as a result of observing the dynamics of behavior within the Lee family and a survey using the psychosocial methodology, some hidden problems in their internal interaction were revealed. Despite the external self-sufficiency and satisfaction of the family, they experience not only social and financial difficulties but also a certain amount of communication. The upbringing of children is essentially authoritarian and is instructed by the father, although the mother does all the housework. It is possible that structural therapy could upset the prevailing hierarchical imbalance and make Abdullah’s influence on the family less restrictive. Only dialogue on equal terms between family members can balance parental influences and give everyone the opportunity to interact to develop. So it appears possible not only to preserve the family with strict dogmas and strengthen and develop it through trust, not obedience.
Perhaps if the principles of interaction and mutual attention were more valued in the family, Karim and Abdul, like little Ahmad, would have the opportunity to grow up more culturally open and, therefore, socially free citizens. However, the question of religious ethics and the intervention of the psychological method in another culture remains open. There are no signs of physical abuse in the family, and the emotional remains in question, so one can only speculate. Perhaps it is this veil of secrecy that structural therapy would open up.
References
Chuang, S.S., Moodley, R., Gielen, U.P., & Akram-Pall, S. (2021). Asian families in Canada and the United States: Implications for mental health and well-being. Springer.
Colapinto, J. (2019). Structural family therapy. In B. H. Fiese, M. Celano, K. Deater-Deckard, E. N. Jouriles, & M. A. Whisman (Eds.), APA handbook of contemporary family psychology: Family therapy and training, 107–121. American Psychological Association.
Salas-Wright, C., Maldonado-Molina, M., Brown, E., Bates, M. Rodriguez, J., Garcia, M., & Schwartz, S. (2021). Cultural stress theory in the context of family crisis migration: Implications for behavioral health with illustrations from the Adelante Boricua study. American Journal of Criminal Justice. 10.1007/s12103-021-09626-9.
Toney-Butler T. J., & Unison-Pace, W. J. (2018). Nursing admission assessment and examination. StatPearls Publishing.