Our perceptions of various real-life situations that we are confronted with shape the way we communicate with people and there are several factors that influence our ability to communicate during such situations depending on how we perceive them. It is a human tendency to make errors while communicating with people around us, which often depends on the kind of relationship we share with the person that we are dealing with.
In this context, a lot depends on our cultural background and our ability to empathize. Being skillful in perception checking often clarifies mistaken perceptions and leads to a better communication pattern. I believe the concept of perception checking is foolproof, and also a powerful tool of communication if used effectively since it deepens the understanding of self which further determines a personâs effectiveness in perceiving correctly in the face of sensitive situations that further have a strong bearing on our levels of happiness and contentment.
The basic purpose of a perception check is to get correct information by asking the most specific and relevant questions so as to get specific information to understand self and the situation in hand, thus implying effective communication in extracting maximum understanding. This enables a person to take remedial action to get better results in life.
To benefit from the tool of perception checking, we need to use it keeping in mind that we are going to benefit from it by way of a deeper understanding of the situation. In this regard, I will discuss two situations to explain my point of view on the matter. I am very much attached to my wife and believe that with her I have a special relationship as compared with other people with whom I relate on a regular basis. The particular instance is of my 33rd birthday which was falling in the fifth year of our marriage.
I was out of town on an important work assignment and was very hopeful that she would be as usual very excited about my birthday and would call me at midnight to shower her loving feelings and best wishes for a joyous and exciting life for the two of us in the years to come. I waited for her call at midnight and donât know when I dosed of only to wake up early morning to realize with disappointment that she did not call. I wondered why, and several thoughts mostly negative, crossed my mind, in doubt whether she was beginning to change by way of our bond of love. I wondered why this happened and thought of two possibilities.
Her mother was not keeping in good health and maybe she was too preoccupied with caring for her, or maybe she was annoyed with me since I did not stay with her during such an important occasion in our life. Sure I asked her the two questions and I could perceive in her answers that although her mother was not keeping well that day, but more deeply rooted was her feeling of being ignored by me by not being present with her. Since I was not with her she felt that she would wish me and celebrate with me after I returned back to her. With this perception check, I got a better understanding of her attitude to such sensitive issues in life.
The second perception check I conducted was with my colleague who was of the same designation as me and during an important business meeting that I was unable to attend, he declared to the boss that I was not interested in visiting China for the finalization of the real estate deal that would enable the company to acquire prime property in the business hub of Shanghai. When I was informed of this I got a jolt of disappointment as to why he had behaved in such a manner.
I thought over the reasons and realized that either he wanted to take the opportunity himself or he was talking in terms of my opinion that I had once casually expressed to him about my lack of interest in visiting China in view of my weak knowledge of the Chinese language. Having spoken to him in this regard I could feel that he was genuinely concerned about my ability to succeed in China due to my weak knowledge of Chinese.
This brought about a better understanding amongst us, as I could perceive that he was not working against my career interests. I realize that had I not conducted the perception checks on my wife and colleague, there would have always been an iota of doubt about the love that my wife had for me and the intentions of my colleague respectively.
I was able to clarify with both about the lack of clarity that I had in the two situations, which further paved the way for a more loving and cordial relationship respectively. Indeed perception checking paves the way for a better understanding of self as also that for taking appropriate action under any given circumstances and enables a person to extract the maximum happiness and satisfaction in life.