Introduction
The choice of romantic partners in real life is usually associated with many factors, and not all are rational. This irrationality is reflected in stable expressions like “love is evil…» Often, maladaptive schemes work when we repeat over and over again the pattern of “unsuccessful” choice of a partner. Quite a long time ago, researchers began to note that all over the world, relationships are not constructed in reality: for the last 5-10 years, people have communicated through social networks, dating apps, and messengers (Burch, 2020). How this factor has affected romantic relationships and what it will lead to, I decided to understand with the help of several sources.
Matching tools, recommendation systems, and self-learning algorithms have long been standard options on most social networks and dating apps. Almost every Internet user visits either Facebook, Instagram, Telegram, or any other social communication platform every day. In 2021, 67.8% of the world population will use social networks, and no one will be stuck on email or a regular website (Burch, 2020). Exchanging comments, publishing notes, and socializing are the foundation of today’s online activity.
However, the circle of likely acquaintances in such a system in particular. It is easy for online recommender systems to assign only specific values of self-description or description of potential partners: these can be parameters from purely external to some formal, related to education, career trajectories, religion, age, place of residence, and something more complex, like sexual preferences. It greatly rationalizes our choices already today, and as the algorithms improve, the final delegation of the selection criteria themselves to the machine may occur as well.
People love dating apps, and today they are finally not ashamed to admit it. They are becoming more and more convenient and understandable. In addition, by creating a profile on Pure or Tinder, people are practically risking nothing because someone they initially did not like would be unable to write or call. To communicate with a potential partner, they need to “swipe to the right,” and the person on the other side does (Burch, 2020). In some applications, only the woman has the right to choose. However, as practice and research show, these handy programs have downsides. It turns out that although they make it easier to find a potential partner, they only interfere with the process of falling in love and keeping that feeling.
Too Much Choice
People think having a wide selection of potential partners makes it easy for them, and dating apps give them a vast “assortment.” However, psychologists at the University of Edinburgh found that the more choices people see in front of them, the less satisfied they feel. Participants in their study were asked to choose among 6 or 24 good-looking counterparts (Riley, 2019). Those offered more candidates felt less satisfied than those whose “menu” was much more sparse. It does not stop there: those who had to explore 24 options before making their choice were more likely to change their minds and choose a different partner the following week (Riley, 2019). Those who were given only six candidates remained happy with their decision during the same week. The researchers found that the more options people have, the less they tend to settle on any choice.
Psychologists believe that when people need to study a large number of partners offered by the application, the brain quickly gets tired and sinks to the basic features of the person. Because of this, people focus on those factors that could be taken into account reasonably quickly, without much mental effort. First of all, it’s about the height, weight, and physical attractiveness of the candidates. When people choose a partner based solely on how good they look, relationships are more likely to be short-lived and risk great disappointment. In 2017, psychologists at Harvard University found that physically attractive people are more likely to give up their current relationships and rush to find new ones.
Idealization of the Partner
When people find the time and opportunity to talk to a person in person, they quickly learn a lot about that person. What his voice is, how he smells, what gestures he uses more often than others, and whether his jokes are funny. When communicating with another user on an app, people have pretty scant information. People usually have a short questionnaire with a name, geographic location, and, at best, a favorite song on Spotify. Such a set prevents us from constructing a coherent image of the person and finding contact with them, and so we have to move on to trivial questions that everyone hates. A living person who has been “molded from what was” is unlikely to live up to rainbow expectations (Riley, 2019). Without seeing the natural person, people tend to augment their image with various positive characteristics. For example, people may ascribe to him their positive traits or even the pleasant qualities of close friends. Unfortunately, there is a significant risk that a face-to-face encounter will disappoint.
Everybody Lies
If a person is not sure if they will come to a meeting at all, the temptation to embellish information about oneself is excellent. Many app users admit that they do lie about some of their parameters. According to the researchers, women more often falsely indicate their weight, and men – their height or the size of their genitals. Representatives of both sexes equally often lie about their education, profession, age, and whether they are currently in a relationship. In the short term, these lies may make a person more attractive in the eyes of potential partners. Still, in general, lying is an unsuitable foundation for a long-term happy relationship. Honesty and trustworthiness, on the other hand, make a relationship stable and help keep each other faithful. Is it worth starting a relationship with such a risky move? Perhaps someone who agrees to meet with a person will not notice minor discrepancies between words and reality, but if they do notice – it is unlikely to help create a warm atmosphere during the first date.
Source of Anxiety and Depression
In the study, one female subject spent about four years searching for her other half through apps such as Tinder and Bumble. However, after she developed depression based on her unsuccessful search, she decided to delete them. When no one writes to a person, you start to wonder what is wrong with her (Moore, 2022). In addition, now and then, there are users in applications who are always happy to write some vulgarity. As a result, a person is constantly in a state of tension, which, of course, spoils not only the entire search process but also deprives the possibility of enjoying life in general. It is challenging to build communication in the application.
Internet communication is always impersonal, which creates difficulties. It is one thing when people see a person in front of them and have the opportunity to engage in a dialogue with them; it is quite another when a person communicates with an unknown Internet user. It is also why trolling is so common on the Web – not just on dating sites and apps (Moore, 2022). The source of unpleasant emotions is often a random search as such. I do not recommend using an app when you have a few minutes to spare. Do it at home when you have enough time and feel more relaxed. People do not need to put dating on autopilot and turn the app into a constant stream of images and spam.
Dating Apps are a Sexy Dumpster
I know many of my classmates who use dating apps. The busy life at university is not conducive to close dating, so apps come to the rescue. Some people are not looking for companions for a serious relationship. It should be understood that dating apps are a kind of sexual dumpster. Many men (rarely women) bring their vices and dirty thoughts there, taking advantage of the fact that everything is incognito, all protected by virtual space. Senile older men pose as Brad Pitt at his best, displaying a photo from 30 years ago. Often in such apps, men rush the girl to meet in an intimate setting. One of the first questions they ask when virtually dating is, “Where do you live?” which cannot help but arouse suspicion.
Conclusion
To summarize, I want to talk about the need to understand that some people go to such apps for fun, not to get into a serious relationship. After all, it is very convenient to turn on your phone in the subway and pass the time talking to strangers, which is common in large metropolitan areas. There are men or women dreamers, those who are afraid to meet in person, and there are men entertainers who do not need this meeting. They will avoid it in every possible way. Some are looking exclusively for partners for the development of some businesses. Be prepared for this by registering in mobile dating apps. Do not be disappointed if that is the kind of character you get the first time. It is important to remember that if people want to find their person, it is work, so they have to sort it out, communicate and always be on their guard.
References
Burch, K. (2020). How social media affects relationships, from partners to friends. Insider. Web.
Moore, A. (2022). 12 ways social media affects relationships, from research & experts.Mbgrelationships. Web.
Riley, A. M. (2019). How social media affects relationships. Turbo Future. Web.