Introduction
Self-help and relationship guidance books have gained popularity in recent years. The books have become sources of insight and education on critical issues that affect modern society. Most books discuss relationship issues, approaches to financial stability, success, health and well-being, and gender roles in today’s world. Youth, young adults, and married couples face many relationship issues today, raising attention to the complexities of creating and maintaining a healthy relationship. Almost everyone is looking for ways to build a harmonious relationship and avoid heartbreaks that may be traumatic, leaving an ugly scar in their wake. Therefore, psychologists and relationship advisers are finding ways of educating the population on sexuality, self-identification, and changing gender roles and sexual orientation, which may affect a relationship. Steve Harvey’s Book ‘Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man’ is one of the most sought-after books for advice on maintaining a solid relationship and marriage. This essay gives an overview of the book, exploring the book’s main points and gender roles and stereotypes.
Book Overview
Steve Harvey is a famous relationship advisor, comedian, and author of best-selling relationship guides. His book ‘Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man’ targets women seeking advice on dating, finding a suitable partner, and maintaining a marriage. The book is a guidebook to help women understand man’s world and mental thinking to assist them in securing and keeping a marriage partner. According to Harvey, understanding how men think is key to recognizing their needs, wants, and views of relationships and tailoring ones thinking to match the expectations leading to a healthy and successful relationship.
The author subdivides his book into three parts, each explaining major areas of men’s behavior and why men behave in that manner. The first part discusses a man’s mindset on relationship matters. Harvey states that men are straightforward creatures aiming to impress women in a relationship (Harvey, 2018). Therefore, most men are goal-oriented and strive to gain financial stability before starting a relationship. A man’s job and how much they make determine their identity and societal position. To that end, men earning less and those without stable employment feel unworthy and may shun long-term relationships that may lead to marriage. Further, the author explains how men express their feelings to show the seriousness of a relationship. Unlike women, who show love through caring, empathy, and communication, men demonstrate love through control and ownership (Harvey, 2018). Therefore, when a woman finds a man with the mentioned qualities, they should reciprocate the feeling by being readily available to satisfy their partner’s physical and emotional needs.
The second section explains men’s behavior and why they act in a particular manner. Again, Harvey describes men as simple and direct regarding their needs. Men often approach physically attractive women to pursue them for sexual benefits. The author suggests that women can determine a man with genuine intentions from those with short-term sexual interests. He advises women to watch out for men with ingenuine intentions and lay ground rules before serious commitment. The author uses an example of fishing to demonstrate men’s behavior toward different women. As natural hunters, men can fish for fun or fish to obtain food (Harvey, 2018). In this case, an invitation for a date could mean starting a serious relationship or casual sex for fun, like sport fishing. According to the author, men can have sex regardless of love and attachment, which explains their cheating behavior (Harvey, 2018). Therefore, it is upon the women to determine if the relationship is long or short-term and guide it through their attitudes and vibes, showing the man where they stand.
Finally, the third section explains factors to consider in a man before committing to a long-term relationship and marriage. Harvey advises women to make a background check on men’s short and long-term goals, financial stability, relationship views, and how they feel about them. According to the author, the woman should set her standards right when looking for a partner making a background check necessary to determine the next step. Notably, the author advises women to have additional value in their life which can appeal to a man, such as having an education and career. Nonetheless, the woman should always let the man lead the relationship and provide financial resources and protection as the head of the family. Harvey insists on serving men’s ego to boost their confidence because of men like control and being providers. Therefore, a financially stable woman can scare potential partners because they may not financially submit to their husband’s or boyfriend’s protection. Generally, Harvey’s book provides excellent advice on relationships which can help many couples nurture healthy unions.
Gender Roles and Stereotypes in the Book
The man is viewed as the provider and protector of a woman and his family. The author argues that men are taught to be breadwinners from childhood and accept the role regardless of their positions in life. According to Harvey, most men accomplish their life goals careerwise and financially before engaging in a long-term relationship and possibly a marriage union. On the contrary, women place more importance on relationships than careers and financial stability because their role includes taking care of the family’s domestic matters (Christopher-Byrd, 2019). Women are taught from a young age to perform household duties than focus on education and career development, unlike men who are driven to provide from childhood. Although the societal gender roles have made men put their goals before engaging in meaningful sexual relationships, the expectations can become overwhelming when one fails to accomplish them, leading to feelings of depression and unworthiness.
Stereotyping gender roles has made women seem the weaker gender with no prospects of pursuing a productive career and gaining financial stability. Harvey’s theory suggests that men are more goal-oriented than women, which conflicts with today’s gender roles where both genders strive for independence sexually and financially. Gender roles have become suffocating, where men are under pressure to provide while women constantly struggle to choose between pursuing their career paths or taking care of the family and household duties (Christopher-Byrd, 2019). Women in the 21st century are becoming more financially successful than men and are willing to provide for their partners if they can provide emotional support and care for the family. To this end, couples can have a healthy relationship if they both understand and support each other regardless of traditional gender roles.
Harvey’s book is oriented toward women understanding a man’s world, mentality, and needs to create a stable relationship. The author’s idea to educate women about men’s behavior assumes that a woman is supposed to be the submissive partner and model a relationship according to the man’s needs (Christopher-Byrd, 2019). A relationship is a mutual agreement between the associated parties involving equal participation and compromises to make it work. However, Harvey’s theory leans on supporting men and their interests without considering a woman’s feelings and sacrifices. Additionally, making women understand men for a relationship to work insinuates that women are to blame for failed relationships. The author suggests that relationships fail because women look too much into the casual sex and cannot foresee if a man is not tailored for a serious relationship from the onset. Thus, the woman is solely responsible for a successful or failed union.
Consequently, Harvey suggests that men possess an aggressive sexual nature more than women and engage in much more casual sex for fun. According to the author, men have a right to seek sex elsewhere if their partner is not available for sexually active for more than a month. Although the argument carries some truth, not all men can agree with Harvey that every time they approach a female, it is because they want to have a sexual relationship with the lady (Christopher-Byrd, 2019). At the same time, Harvey assumes that all single women are willing to have sex with men they do not own, which contributes to men’s cheating behavior.
Conclusion
Publications on relationship advice have taken center stage in contemporary society as more authors engage in advice relating to dating, sex, love, and marriage, whose concept has changed over time. Harvey’s book ‘Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man’ focuses on advising ladies to learn a man’s point of view regarding life, love and relationship when looking for a suitable life partner. The author gives excellent arguments to consider, such as different ways men approach a relationship, demonstrate love, and signs showing he wants a long-term union. Although Harvey’s theories regarding men and relationships may be accurate, he stereotypes gender roles and sexuality, making men feel like sovereign beings. On the other hand, women are seen as the weaker sex whose role entails pleasing men’s desires and relationship views. Regardless, following Harvey’s advice can help heterosexual relationships aimed at following traditional gender roles.
References
Christopher-Byrd, E. L. (2019). Still unmarried: Black women and relationship advice literature.Women, Gender, and Families of Color, 7(2), 182–201. Web.
Harvey, S. (2018). Act like a lady, think like a man: What men really think about love, relationships, intimacy, and commitment. DailyBooks.