The Causes of Divorce Essay

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Introduction

Divorces are socially significant actions that often have negative implications for both former families involved and society as a whole. The causes behind this social phenomenon can vary significantly, but for the sake of a deeper understanding, there is a necessity to explore some of them in-depth. One of the main causes of divorces is betrayal; another is unequal spending and earning. Exploring these causes could provide an insight into how to avoid them.

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Betrayal

Betrayal or infidelity is one of the most common causes for a husband and wife to split. Infidelity for each particular person can mean a multitude of things. Some people, arguably most, define betrayal in marriage as having sex with another person. This is deeply connected with the nature and tradition of the intimate relationship between men and women. Letting another person into one’s personal space to the point of having intercourse is already an issue of deep-felt trust and having utter conviction in the other party’s genuine feelings. If a marriage partner reveals that they have had that same kind of intimacy and affection with someone else, it will definitely insult the other partner. No wonder, then, that after such an incident, the victim of infidelity would want to sever the relationship as trust is violated. At first glance, it seems understandable and logical.

There is also another explanation for such a reaction. Religious people consider the marital vow of loving and honoring each other for as long as they both live sacred; sacred as something that is witnessed, blessed, and sealed by the higher power. Such an alliance is forbidden to break by divine law. If a person decides to violate this vow, it means not only that they betrayed their partner but also that they went against God. Such an action for a deeply religious person is much more than a violation of trust. Therefore, there are not many choices left other than to drift apart.

There can also be other understandings of betrayal. Some people have more conservative views on marital fidelity and may consider even holding hands with a person of the opposite sex for a second too long to be a friendly handshake. It may not lead directly to divorce but may give grounds for monitoring each action of an allegedly cheating wife or husband. This is often considered a norm in middle-eastern countries where women are not allowed to even look at a person of the opposite sex in the eyes for too long. This is a deeply religious and cultural tradition that may not be acceptable to others. Interestingly, in some Islamic practices, men are allowed to have up to four wives, and this is not considered to be infidelity.

Additionally, people often vary in degrees of tolerance towards infidelity. Some consider it a violation of trust but not to the point of needing to end the relationship, especially if it didn’t last that long. Many people would consider writing a one-off or short-term event as a mistake, provided the circumstances did not imply serious consideration of deliberate and heartless assault on their partner’s feelings. Some people even forgive betrayal more than once or do so systematically for a number of psychological reasons. Some are very tolerant in their views on marital relationships and may even let the other party have sex with other people while not feeling betrayed at all. People in this category, with somewhat progressive or, as some may say, open-minded views are quite rare according to the author’s personal observations.

After staying in the relationship after a betrayal, most people cannot maintain the same level of emotional affection for longer than a few years. People may stay together because they have grown comfortable with each other and they are afraid of being alone again. Others demonstrate the opposite reaction and start slowly drifting towards other people in search of those sharp and intense feelings that they long for but cannot experience with the person they loved a few years back. Whatever the reasons for betrayal, be it lack of love or sexual attraction, a divorce requires the verbal or non-verbal consent of the two spousal parties.

Inequality in Spending or Earning Money

Money can also become a reason to end a marriage and go separate ways. In this case, people have not necessarily entered a relationship seeking material benefit. At least, the financial well-being of a partner was not a defining characteristic. If love was the prime reason for getting married, then money could be just an excuse and a valid reason for not verbalizing the absence of feelings. People often tend to avoid upsetting their loved ones or the people they care about by not telling them the hard truth. However, divorce can often be accompanied by a long period of mutual accusations and even legal actions against one another in an attempt to retain a larger part of the matrimonial property. After seeing this happen, it can be hard to believe that these people ever loved each other.

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There are also cases when people who were committed to building a career and have remained single into their thirties or even forties. Such people can be inexperienced in building a long-lasting relationship and are accustomed to a standard of living. Entering marriage late for such people may mean a rapid shift from a relatively calm and steady lifestyle into a costly endeavor as the needs of two people differ from just having to consider themselves. Frequently, divorce happens when people marry hastily, not having lived together long enough to grow accustomed to each other’s lifestyles. Another reason for money-based divorces could be one-sided love. An aged man or a woman with a considerable fortune could fall in love with a younger person who has deceitful intentions of waiting for their elder partner to die and pretend to be caring and loving enough to be mentioned in their will. An end to such relationships is often brought about by ‘failed’ acting or the elder partner following the advice from a close friend.

There are also situations when people end relationships because they do not consider themselves equal partners. For some people, marriage is not only about love and affection but also financial equality. Men often feel uneasy to earn less than their wives. Although this may not be discussed between the two, marriages sometimes become a topic of external discussion and gossip can make a proud man feel miserable in his relationship to the point he cannot see any positive side. The situation is often aggravated by the fact that men do not like to bring up such deep topics for discussion, and prefer to let things build up. This unhealthy pride, with gossip as a stimulating factor, could sever a marriage that otherwise could be happy.

Another side of this issue could entail a wife being dissatisfied with her husband earning low wages or a husband discontented with his wife’s excessive spending. These are clichés that are often seen on TV and read in books; the roles can be opposite too. Nonetheless, the disparity in earnings and spending between partners can become an issue that threatens a relationship. Marriage can be viewed as a union where each side is equal in everything. It would be safe to assume that each partner should contribute to keeping the flame within the family hearth either ‘by labor or by coin’ but in equal amount nonetheless. When contributions cannot be measured and compared in dollar equivalent, there may arise a question of equality that quickly becomes a fight over money and contribution.

Conclusion

There is a myriad of reasons for divorce. They may be well-established and evidenced with facts of infidelity or bank statements. However, a divorce still remains an act between two people who united for some reason in the past, who now wish to go their separate ways. For one party, it may seem a relief, for the other it is misfortune. Having analyzed two possible causes of divorce, it occurred to me that the underlying reason for divorce is a change in one of the partners or both of them. If marriage is a union of two people who found something that unites them, makes them similar, then it is some drastic difference that draws them apart. Thus, marriage depends on the ability to settle differences through conversation or frequent contemplation on the things that unite two people.

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"The Causes of Divorce." IvyPanda, 19 Jan. 2022, ivypanda.com/essays/the-causes-of-divorce/.

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IvyPanda. (2022) 'The Causes of Divorce'. 19 January.

References

IvyPanda. 2022. "The Causes of Divorce." January 19, 2022. https://ivypanda.com/essays/the-causes-of-divorce/.

1. IvyPanda. "The Causes of Divorce." January 19, 2022. https://ivypanda.com/essays/the-causes-of-divorce/.


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IvyPanda. "The Causes of Divorce." January 19, 2022. https://ivypanda.com/essays/the-causes-of-divorce/.

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