Introduction
The question that has persisted for a long time revolves around whether there is just one self in every person or do people consist of different “selves”. Scholars argue that the life situations that we encounter daily play a critical role in moulding our “self”. In simpler terms, every individual has multiple social “selves” and those who interact with him tend to carry a specific image of the person in their head. All through life, many people tend to understand themselves through others; their “selves” are shaped by their own standpoint and that of their significant others. Therefore, the concept of self derives its meaning from three domains, the ideal, aught and actual selves, which guides an individual’s behaviour based on experiences and situations.
The Ideal, Aught and Actual Domains
The ideal self domain is the created version of self which manifest through life-long learning and experiences. Boyatzis and Udayan defined it as a “highly prized part and a motivator within a person’s concept of self” (135). It is imperative to note that this domain is often influenced by the demands of society and what people find interesting in their role models. For example, my parents have well-paying jobs, which explains why they are respected and admired in the community. As their first born child, my parents constantly remind me that the only way to find a higher-paying job is through hard work. In fact, my father always wishes that I follow in his footsteps. In essence, the ideal self, as evidenced from my experiences with my parents, is the person others want you to be.
The aught self domain comprises of all the attributes that you believe you should have. For example, this domain requires that I develop a sense of duty and responsibility, especially when my parents are not around. From a Christian perspective, the book of Romans 3: 23, explains clearly that as humans we may fail to measure up to our ideal selves, “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” This verse reminds me of why I always feel shame and guilt whenever I fail to live up to my expectations and those of society, family, and friends. It is for this reason that Christians need a saviour as their role model – to rely on as they walk through life. As humans, we sometimes experience instances of guilt and shame because we tend to set high expectations than we can achieve.
The actual self domain can be described as the way in which an individual sees themselves now – what they really are. For example, my focus in life has always been to be the best version of myself. To achieve this requires an in-depth examination and scrutiny – “owning ourselves in all consequences”, especially those that results in what we did in the past and making a resolve to change (Legault 232). Once we accept all our consequences, either intentionally or unintentionally, we move a step closer towards being our true self. My aim all along has been to find a way of aligning the way I am and the way I want to be. For instance, my ideal self-image is to be smart and find a high-paying job. However, to achieve this requires that I comprise some elements of my actual self, such as my love for partying.
Integrating the Three Domains
Integrating these three domains of self helps one develop a clear understanding that although we sometimes find a sense of unity in who we are, it does not mean that we have one self. At some point in life, everyone tends to get surprised by how they acted or even feel conflicted about themselves depending on how they reacted in some situations. For example, one of my friends, who many thought of being a coward, surprised everyone when he stood up to a bully who had humiliated him for a long time. In fact, his actions saw him gain respect and admiration among his peers.
In line with the above, the life experiences play an important role in shaping how others perceive you. To illustrate what this statement means, I will rely on what happened to me sometime back while living with my parents. I received a call on our home phone from an individual who wanted to talk to my father. The caller had interacted with my father on several occasions and was calling to invite him to be the main speaker at an upcoming conference. He described my father as someone who is affable and socially engaging –he was the right candidate for the occasion. I later told my mother about how the caller characterized my father, and she just laughed. According to her, my father was rather reserved and more hesitant, especially in small conversations.
The overall point from the above example is that people have multiple self-states. This is what informed Redfearn’s book – the author was concerned with understanding some of the forces that influence humans to display multiple “selves”. For example, Redfearn observed that people “conceive self as a pattern of behaviour and experience through time” (37). The author further maintained that people tend to do different things across time, all of which contribute to their sense of self.
In a different study, Hayes et al. observed that our behaviour is influenced by the situation (31). This is true because I have, on several occasions, displayed my ideal self, especially during my best moments. It sometimes felt as if a conduit had opened and something was pushing me forward to take part in an oral contest which revolved around my favourite subjects. Deep down, I knew I could perform better and after the contest, everyone, including the judges, was surprised by my final scores. I occasionally look back to this moment and wonder how I managed to answer almost all the questions.
Self-Discrepancy Theory
Self-discrepancy theory holds that people have different beliefs and expectations about their actual and other “selves” that do not always align with what they experience. In other words, the actual, ideal and aught self can conflict with each other in some situations (Mason et al. 372). The dissimilarity between the actual and ideal/aught selves may, in some cases, “motivate an individual to act for self-improvement” (Mason et al. 375).
For example, if my ideal self chooses to take part in charitable work within my community, them my actual self may be compelled to do so. However, the divergence in the two selves can sometimes be stressful. This is the case especially to those professional women who also double as mothers. The aught self for these women is inclined towards achieving professional success and advancement. Their ideal self, on the other hand, revolves around a sense of duty and obligation to their family, a full-time mother. The actual self domain of these women may compel them to find a balance between their careers and as mothers. However, most of them fail to live up to the expectations of either. These differences may, in the end, lead to emotional and behavioural change.
My ideal self-image growing up has always been to tell the truth. For instance, my parents once asked me why I came home late. At first, I was tempted to lie but when I told them I did not want to leave the party because all of my friends were there, I felt some sense of relief. In fact, I did not care about the ramifications, I just felt good I told the truth. If I had decided to lie about my whereabouts then the conflict between my actual and ideal selves would have resulted in mental distress. As a matter of fact, I tend to experience negative feelings whenever I lie.
Conclusion
The concept of self, as described above, derive meaning from three domains, the ideal, aught and actual selves, which guide an individual’s behaviour based on experiences and situations. The actual self comprises of the attributes that you believe you actually possess while the ideal self consists of traits that someone else wants you to possess. The aught self, on the other hand, entails the attributes that you believe you should have. While some people find it easy to balance between the multiple selves, others struggle to find healthy relationship between them. In fact, some people experience these selves as competing versions which create conflict and distress.
Works Cited
Boyatzis, Richard, and Udayan Dhar. “Dynamics of the Ideal Self.” Journal of Management Development 5 (2021): 123-234.
Hayes, Steven C., et al. “The Centrality of Sense of Self in Psychological Flexibility Processes: What the Neurobiological and Psychological Correlates of Psychedelics Suggest.” Journal of Contextual Behavioral Science 15 (2020): 30-38.
Legault, Lisa. “Intrinsic and Extrinsic Motivation.” Encyclopedia of Personality and Individual Differences (2020): 230-241.
Mason, Tyler B., et al. “Self-Discrepancy Theory as a Trans-diagnostic Framework: A Meta-Analysis of Self-Discrepancy and Psychopathology.” Psychological Bulletin 145.4 (2019): 372-400.
Redfearn, Joseph WT. My Self, My Many Selves. Routledge, 2018.