In her book “When Couples Become Parents”, Bonnie Fox discusses the matters related to the challenges that couples have to go through during the period from the late pregnancy to the end of the first year of parenthood. The main aspects that the author is addressing are the relationships between the partners during this complicated period of time, and the gender inequalities that women have to face during that time. In the following paper, the insights that this book provides into the ideas of parenting will be assessed. Overall, after the evaluation of the main findings of the book under consideration, a conclusion can be made that the author has a clear vision of the challenges that occur during the first year of parenthood, and the role division that exists during that period among the married couples.
Bonny Fox is well known for her works providing a deep insight into gender inequalities that women still have to experience in western culture. The book “When Couples Become Parents” is not an exception. The main point of the argument of this book is that during the first year of parenthood men are privileged with having only a few obligations, whereas women are disadvantaged because the major part of work related to the care of the newborn baby becomes the obligation for the woman. In chapters 1 to 4, the author discusses such situations in the life of parents as giving birth in a hospital, caring about the newborn baby during the first weeks of its life, and the challenges of the next period along with their economical implications. During the whole course of the book’s argument, the author shows many aspects in which women become disadvantaged. The following comment by the author of the book provides an insight into the reasons for such a state of affairs:
When she becomes a mother, however, a woman is forced to confront the constraints inherent in a social world still organized around gender divisions – in which paid employment is designed for people without responsibilities for children and where the state, the community, and even family doctors assume that responsibility for infants belongs only to their parents, and mostly to their mothers (Fox, 2009, p. 15).
This comment shows that the major problem that women face is the fact that a social world still organized around gender divisions that make the first year of parenthood a very complicated period for mothers. As women have to go through this problem, they become frustrated and extremely nervous that badly affects their relationships with their husbands.
The author makes a special emphasis on the economical inequality that women have to face which becomes the biggest problem for them during the period when the baby is still too little for them to continue their work and earn their living (Fox, 2009). Under the pressure of the fact that they are no longer able to provide for themselves and the baby, women become discouraged, distressed, and may develop a serious depression. Such negative moods by wives are badly accepted by their husbands because men are less subjected to similar declines in their frames of mind, and fail to understand their partners on this reason. Men see the bad mood of their wives as a big problem, and try to escape from it drinking with their friends, searching for love outside the house, or pondering into their work. As a result, women become even more discouraged because family ties are weakened, and the obligations of caring about the baby appear to be only on women’s shoulders.
This idea by the author is definitely fair, that can be seen from numerous experiences. Analyzing experiences such as the one below, I come to a conclusion that Fox is right when she argues that a social world is still organized around gender divisions that cause economical contradictions in families leading to the further serious problems such as marital infidelity or fathers’ suspension from their obligations towards their babies. This is evident in the experience of David and Helena. David earned most of the household income and felt his supremacy in the family on this reason. He often reminded his wife, Helena, that without his money they would have no chance to provide for the baby, and thus, the wife would have to devote her physical and emotional energy not only to the baby, but to him as well, and with equal facility. Helena, who had a family background of abuse, and who was in her third marriage, and without the nearby support of family and friends, bowed to the demand of her husband that they would resume normal sexual relations in a few weeks after the birth. To consent to the husband’s requirement, the woman had to close her eyes on the baby’s needs. She put the baby to bed at 9 p.m., and let it cry until it would fall asleep. Helena ended up developing a psychological disorder of her baby. Eventually, she could not stand her husband’s despotic attitude, and had to leave him and return back home.
In this experience, the man’s economical excellence became the source of the family problems. As a result of these problems, marriage mates who used to love each other from the first sight developed serious measure of alienation, and decided to divorce. The experiences such as this one are numerous. In all of such experiences, women suffer a lot because of their husbands’ material excellence over them. In the situations such as this one, men also suffer psychologically as they develop a wrong world vision thinking that they are the most important in their families because they bring money. Such a wrong vision of their importance leads to a misbalance in the family that often ruins it. Thus, the conclusions made by Fox in her book are realistic and rational, and should be taken into consideration by those people who are responsible for the granting allowance to the mothers of the new-born babies. To fulfill their family obligations during the first year after the childbirth and maintain a good level of relationships in the family, women need a better benefaction from the state.
In conclusion, it should be stated that the book “When Couples Become Parents” by Bonnie Fox provides a deep insight into the sources of family problems that may occur during the first year after the birth of a baby. The author makes a special emphasis on the gender inequality that exists in society regarding the distribution of obligations in the family, and especially the economic point in this issue. The analysis of the experiences from real life shows that the author’s argument in this book is rational and fair.
Reference
Fox, B. (2009). When Couples Become Parents. Toronto: University of Toronto Press.