Introduction
The institution of marriage in the modern culture holds a distinct development over the years. However, it could be stated that in modern Western democracies, especially in the United States, marriage is basically assumed to be founded on the cherished concept of romantic love. Furthermore, persons in modern, industrialized nations like the United States strongly believe that the choice of a mate should be left to the individual. It comes as a shock to many people in the United States, then, when they discover that this revered concept of romantic love is almost wholly unknown in most cultures and is considered laughable or self-indulgent in many other societies.
Kadara of Nigeria
In most traditional or developing societies, like the Kadara of Nigeria, marriage is viewed upon as being a pragmatic economic arrangement or a matter of family alliances. Love has little, if anything, to do with it. In these cultures, marriage is negotiated by the parents of the betrothed. The opinions of the children themselves are generally viewed as being irrelevant. If love becomes a feature of these unions at all, it is expected to be a result and not a cause of the marriage. The economic components of these unions are especially pronounced in cultures where an intending groom must pay a bride–price to his prospective father-in-law. (Magnet, 81)
The United States
Although the United States view “normal” marriage as being a union consisting of one man and one wife, polygamy is still very common in developing societies. To the citizens of the US, polygamy is both grossly abnormal and abhorrently sexist. In many parts of the world, however, polygamy is the preferred marital form. In these societies, a man is allowed to have more than one wife, “a ratio that reflects the superior power and privileges of the male partner in the family institution” (Robertson, p. 251). Polygamy is “intimately tied up with economic functioning and status considerations” (Leslie and Korman, p. 26). These notions further illustrate the fact that in traditional societies, marriage is more about economic leveraging than about romantic feelings.
Discussion
People of the United States also believe that married partners should be adults of about the same age, although exceptions do occur from time to time. In this respect, other societies practice vastly different customs. The Kadara of Nigeria, for example, marry infants to one another. The Chuckchee of Siberia encourages adult women to marry males of only two or three years of age. These new wives take care of the boys until they are mature enough to begin assuming their duties as husbands. (Magnet, 103) Given the fact that romantic love is largely ignored in most of the world, one must wonder why this ideal holds such enormous sway in the United States. The reason, insist the sociologists, is that it appears to have the following rudimentary functions in preserving the institution of the nuclear family:
- The transfer of loyalties. Romantic love allows the young partners to loosen their bonds with their family of orientation.
- Emotional support. Romantic love offers the couple intimate emotional support needed to persevere through difficult periods.
- Incentive to marriage. Romantic love promotes marriage, even though the institution is generally ridden with difficulties. (Leslie and Korman, 45)
Despite the United States’ adoration of romantic love, marriage in these various societies nevertheless abounds with economic, political, and social considerations. As Hilary M. Lips notes in her work, Sex and Gender: an Introduction, the terms of the marriage contract are not negotiated by the two partners. In contrast, they are legal rights and responsibilities mandated by the government (p. 260). Such terms include how property is shared during the marriage and divided upon divorce, sexual exclusivity, monetary support, inheritance, the duties of the offspring, and even the woman’s right to keep her own name (Lips, p. 260).
Marriage in the United States, in addition, is still laced with patriarchal notions. The idea that women are subordinate to their husbands is even today built into the marriage contract in many jurisdictions (Lips, p. 260). Women in the United States, for example, still do most of the housework, even though a great number of them actually have jobs outside the home (Lips, p. 260). Although the roles of fathers are changing, primary responsibility for the care of children still rests with the mother in US society. This applies to both women with jobs and without jobs. Apparently, gender roles die hard but it is much more open than in developing countries like Nigeria.
Conclusion
In conclusion, sadly in the US society rather than in developing countries, much of humans’ preoccupations with love, romance, marriage, and sexuality end with bitterness and disappointment whereas in developing countries male dominance destroys the love relation of marriage as in the case of Kadara of Nigeria. However, perhaps it is proper to end this paper on a positive note. While disappointments are inevitable, amorous feelings are among the most supremely pleasurable experiences. Happy relationships provide human beings, both male and female, with hope, exhilaration, intellectual stimulation, exciting, satisfying sex, and vital emotional support. Above all, the human preoccupations with sex and companionship are normal and natural and marriage after all discontents and problems still remains a favorable institution in the modern world.
Works Cited
Leslie, Gerald R. and Korman, Sheila K. The Family in Social Context. London, Oxford: Oxford University Press, 1999.
Lips, Hilary M. Sex & Gender: An Introduction. Mountain View, CA: Mayfield Publishing Company, 2003.
Magnet, Myron. Modern Sex: Liberation and Its Discontents. Wellington: National Book Trust, 2006.
Robertson, Ian. Society: A Brief Introduction. New York: Worth Publishers, Inc., 2007.