Identify confirming, disagreeing, and disconfirming messages and patterns in your own important relationships and describe their consequences
In a relationship where both partners value each other or the relationship between them, there will often be an increase in confirming messages that are aimed at indicating a positive feeling towards the relationship (Adler and Proctor 2011). Through research, it has been found that three types of messages are most likely to be confirming i.e., recognition, acknowledgment, and endorsement (Adler and Proctor 2011).
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An example of these messages in the important relationships of day to day life is depicted among couples upon meeting after a long break. It is common to hear one partner asking “Did you miss me?” and to hear the partner make a response such as, “More than you know”. On the contrary, disconfirming communication is that which indicates a lack of regard. The difference between confirming and disconfirming communication is often the decision of the listener.
An example is a joke made by one listener and taken wrongly by another. On the other hand, when partners of a speaker are not in agreement the speakers may use disagreeing messages (Adler and Proctor 2011). These messages as the name imply to suggest that the speaker does not agree in some way (Adler and Proctor 2011). Depending on the communication climate the degree of hostility may vary from a statement such as “Are you sure?” to more intense such as “This is preposterous!”.
Describe how the messages you identified in the previous question either threaten or honor the self (face) of the communication involved
It has been reported that endorsement is the strongest form of confirming messages (Adler and Proctor 2011). Based on this statement it would appear that a pleasurable communication experience will be characterized by many endorsement statements thus honoring the relationship between the speakers. It has been noted through research that the satisfaction between siblings drops sharply as disconfirming messages increase (Adler and Proctor 2011). This is true as it is widely observed that siblings who do not get along often offer little communication that shows regard for each other. In such conversations, it is common that the tone will reflect a lot more disagreement than agreement. If this is the case then the conversation between such siblings is likely to have a lot of disagreeing messages.
Describe your person conflict styles, evaluate their effectiveness, and suggest alternatives as appropriate
The personal conflict style that the author is accustomed to using is the compromising approach to conflict resolution. In this form of conflict resolution, the eventual outcome is often a partial lose-lose situation for both parties (Adler and Proctor 2011). This approach is considered favorable as it has been learned over time that most of the more aggressive schemes of conflict resolution such as competing and collaborating require additional skills such as good arguing skills that are not common to all people. By nature, a compromise would require that the negotiator lose something in order to gain a part of what they want.
However, excessive compromise is often the reason behind much of the displeasure in people’s lives. A suitable answer that would provide satisfaction for all parties would be a collaborative approach to conflict resolution. Such an approach would suggest that instead of a ‘my way’ or ‘your way’ approach to conflict resolution a collaborative approach suggests an ‘our way’ solution to problems. This approach encourages partners to avoid trying to ‘win’ at the expense of the other and to make efforts to find ways to work together to satisfy individual objectives.
Demonstrated how you could use the win-win approach in a given situation
An example of using a win-win approach to problem-solving is illustrated in this example of a couple preparing to go out on an important date. Let’s say the couple is celebrating their first anniversary as husband and wife and sit to prepare a list of activities and the budget.
The husband being a nonchurch goer would prefer a good lunch and dinner preferably at a hotel with a band. The wife, on the other hand, is an avid churchgoer and would like the event t to be held after service on the church grounds. To provide a win–win solution to this dilemma it would be nice for the couple to consider the guest list and the preferences of the guests as a basis for their final plan.
Adler, R. B. & Proctor II, R. R. N. (2011). Looking Out / Looking IN (13th ed.). Boston, MA: Wadsworth, Cengage Learning.