Abstract
Conflicts cannot be avoided in a marriage relationship. A couple should therefore improvise some ways that can help it resolve the differences that emerge between the partners. If not properly addressed, conflicts lead to separation and divorce. This is because unresolved disagreements and arguments make individuals in a marriage relationship experience feelings of bitterness, anger, and unhappiness. If the partners are not willing to listen to them, individuals going through such experiences are likely to get frustrated and prefer separation or divorce. Couples who effectively resolve their differences enjoy marital satisfaction. Religiosity is positively related to marital satisfaction. This implies that individuals who are religious and follow religious beliefs are likely to be influenced by these beliefs to solve conflicts between them. Forgiveness and marital satisfaction also have a positive relationship. This can be seen in that individuals who are forgiven can avoid mistakes in the future and are also likely to forgive their partners. To manage solving differences effectively, individuals in a marriage relationship should learn the thinking and positive and negative behaviors of their partners and have a positive perception towards these partners. A couple should also try and avoid those conflicts that can be avoided to enjoy marital satisfaction.
Introduction
A marriage in this paper will refer to an institution that is formed when a man and a woman come together to live as one family. When individuals get married, they have intimate relationships but as time passes by, conflicts get into the relationship. Conflicts refer to cases when the two individuals crash or oppose each other over an issue. Individuals who are married spend a large percentage of their life together and in such a case, it is very hard to avoid conflicts. Again, these individuals interact almost every day and each has his or her interests and thinking. It is therefore very hard to avoid conflicts in marriage relationships. Conflicts in relationships have major effects especially if they are unsolved. Conflicts have negative effects on marriage satisfaction and they affect the life that a couple spends its life together. Many couples have been divorced due to conflicts in their relationships while others have separated and remarried. Some people have even murdered their partners as a result of conflicts in relationships. All these vices are a result of unsolved conflicts in relationships. Resolving conflicts helps in the maintenance of a relationship by satisfying it. Those couples that have made efforts in settling conflicts in their relationships have been able to spend their life together without a single instance of separation. In solving conflicts in marriage relationships, the right approach must be used. A couple that uses religious means to solve their differences stand better chances of conquering. Forgiveness is one of the factors that are important for the success of a relationship. This paper will seek to analyze the effects of conflicts on marriage satisfaction and longevity and try to see how they can be turned around.
Conflicts in Marriage
Individuals in a marriage institution cannot avoid conflicts no matter hard they try. Even individuals in the best marriages disagree and argue over issues in their lives. The only difference is that those who are successful handle their conflicts in an organized manner. Unresolved disagreements and arguments make individuals in a marriage relationship experience feelings of bitterness, anger, and unhappiness. The husband and the wife need to come to the same level and improvise a way to solve their differences. Otherwise, if any partner is not willing to corporate, the physical and mental health of the partners is likely to be affected negatively and the health of the family will also deteriorate. Unresolved conflicts lead to the separation of couples where the partners temporarily separate and each one lives his or her own life in a separate place. Unresolved conflicts can also cause divorce of partners where they part completely and never get remarried. This means that the individuals have wasted their time all the period that they have spent their life together. Feelings of anger and bitterness can cause individuals to live in the same house and fail to talk to each other for a long period. There have been cases where an individual in a marriage relationship kills his or her partner due to conflicts in the family. In general, unresolved conflicts harm the marital satisfaction of individuals in a marriage. In addition, separation or divorce affects the longevity of a relationship where they reduce the period that individuals spend their life together. Those partners who systematically handle conflicts have very successful marriages and spend their lives together without a single instance of separation.
Solving Conflicts in Relationships
Marital satisfaction greatly depends on the approach that the partners in the relationship give to conflicts. There is no specific thing that a couple can do to solve a certain conflict but a combination of several aspects can help in solving any conflict. Again, there is no specific procedure or set of steps that can be followed in solving conflicts.
Religiosity
Previous research that has been done shows that there is a positive relationship between religiosity and reduced marital conflicts. Many religions have a set of rules that are supposed to be observed by followers. Such individuals can use the bible to restore harmony in cases where there are differences. Couples can always turn to the teachings of the scriptures and since they are believers, they are likely to follow what the scriptures tell them to do. Some issues such as anger according to some scriptures are sins. Individuals who are committed to following the teachings of the scriptures are likely to settle their differences caused by anger if they use the scriptures. Couples that have had arguments can attend religious services and the preaching in the services is likely to alter their focus. The teachings will most likely give them the strength required to help them to deal with what is important in their lives than waste a lot of time arguing. Such individuals might dismiss their previous arguments and disagreements as petty and they are likely to forget them. Other couples engage in prayer where prayers help them reduce their anger and open dialogue for them to communicate (Nathaniel & David, 2006, p.444).
Religiosity also helps couples to come back to the previous state after forgiveness. Research done shows that many religious couples believed that God hates divorce and the beliefs help them to be committed to the relationship regardless of the things that take place in the relationship. Research done has also shown that couples who are more religious are likely to have stable marriages than other couples that are not religious. If individuals are religious, they will be able to adjust to sexual problems than individuals who are not religious (Jose, 2006, p.502). Attending the church frequently reminds the couples in a relationship of their responsibilities in the marriage relationship. Since the couples are believers and they would like to retain their dignity as religious people, they tend to make efforts to practice the teachings that they receive in the church. This leads to successful marriages and eventually marital satisfaction. The probability of a religious couple separating or divorce is very low compared to a couple that is not religious. Religiosity thus helps increase marital satisfaction by helping couples avoid issues that bring conflicts, resolve their conflicts, and reconcile after a conflict. The in turn helps increase the longevity of a relationship and in most cases, religious couples are separated by death.
Forgiveness and Marital Satisfaction
Forgiveness is a major factor that helps in marital satisfaction. It helps couples retain their initial status and be able to solve other conflicts in the future. An individual who does wrong to his or her partner accepts his or her mistakes and requests the other partner to forgive him or her. Individuals in a marriage relationship are likely to remain together if they learn to forgive each other. Forgiveness helps in conflict resolution in that when one forgives his or her partner, he or she finds an opportunity to communicate with the partner about the mistake made and they agree that the mistake should not be repeated. For forgiveness to take place, the wrongdoer must accept that he or she has committed a mistake. Acceptance of the mistake helps the other partner to forgive with an open heart. Once forgiven, a partner will feel obliged to avoid the mistake again in the future. Forgiveness is therefore likely to bring to an end a mistake in a couple. When one is forgiven, he or she is likely to forgive later if a wrong is done against him or her. Conflicts in a couple as stated earlier cannot be avoided and the best thing, therefore, is to learn to forgive each other and avoid the repetition of a mistake when one is forgiven. Forgiveness helps a couple to return to their marital satisfaction together. In most couples, there is a positive relationship between marital satisfaction and forgiveness (Jose, 2006, p.258).
Forgiveness is a process that takes different periods depending on the couples that are involved in a conflict. Forgiveness affects a couple later in its life. Sometimes, partners happen to have a difference that cannot be resolved and they end up hurting each other. None wants to accept that his or her idea is wrong. This leads to unresolved conflicts that reduce the levels of commitment of individuals in a marriage relationship. The willingness of an individual to do what is right is also reduced by unsolved conflicts. If great care is not taken, the couple might end up separating. A long-term solution to such conflicts is forgiveness where each partner accepts his or her mistakes and forgives the other partner for the times that he or she has hurt him or her. Research that has been done shows that individuals in a couple who have forgiven each other in the past can avoid arguments in the future (Frank & Steven, 2006, p.544). They are also capable of doing the right thing in the relationship. This eventually leads to marital satisfaction.
Organization and Maintenance of a Marriage Relationship
Partners who know each other and understanding the thinking of each other in a relationship are capable of solving their conflicts than those who have not taken their time to know each other. Individuals in a marriage association should therefore learn to learn the thinking of their fellow partners in terms of likes and dislikes. Knowing the negative traits of a partner helps an individual integrate the negative traits with positive attributes. These negative and positive characteristics of marital interaction are very important (Nancy, Cynthia, Timothy & Paul, p.439). Separating the positive characteristics from the negative ones helps improve the quality of a relationship and leads to marital satisfaction. The way that a partner in a couple organizes knowledge of the other partner affects the way that conflicts affecting the relationship is solved (Lorne, Bethany & Joanne, p.739). Partners who act in destructive ways when a conflict is being solved lead to failure of marital satisfaction. It is therefore important for a partner to organize his or her perception of the other partner in a positive way. This helps in the successful solving of conflicts and eventually marital satisfaction.
Marital satisfaction greatly depends on the way that conflicts in a relationship are solved. Some of the conflicts can however be avoided by the partners basically by their behaviors. These behaviors help a partner develop some positive traits for his or her partner. Each partner needs to interact with the other partner in an optimistic, cheerful and uncritical manner. The partners also need to discuss directions of the relationship openly with each other. This helps the partners to avoid hypocrisy and revenge on the other partner. Assuring a partner of one’s commitment to remaining in the relationship helps in building trust in the future of the relationship. Networking with other individuals who can help in solving conflicts also helps maintain a relationship (Daniel & Deborah, 2008, p.213). Each partner has his or her responsibilities in the house. Performing these responsibilities to an individual’s level best helps in maintaining the relationship. At the end of the day, the individuals who are committed to maintaining their relationships end up being satisfied in their respective marriages.
Conclusion
Conflicts cannot be avoided in marriages and the best thing is for a couple to strategize the way to deal with their differences. Conflicts affect the marriage satisfaction of individuals in a relationship. Unresolved conflicts lead to separation and divorce of partners. Religiosity helps a lot in solving conflicts between individuals in a marriage relationship. It helps individuals to prevent conflicts, resolve conflicts, and reconcile after conflicts in a marriage. This leads to marital satisfaction on the part of those partners that are religious. Forgiveness also leads to marital satisfaction because individuals who forgive each other avoid future conflicts and commit themselves not to repeat the mistakes that led to conflicts. An individual’s perception of his or her partner also affects marital satisfaction in the relationship. A couple can try to avoid those conflicts that are avoidable as a step towards maintaining their relationship and increasing its longevity.
Reference
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